Junior, health care systems administration
I chased Mexican raccoons in Mexico once. They looked like lemurs with long noses and big fluffy striped tails. We fed them chocolates from the balcony. We called it Lemur Nation.
So, there we were at Harpoon Harry’s in Panama City; my friend was walking around with this big chick. I’m at the bar getting shots. My friend and this girl walk back and my friend had lipstick marks all over his face. My friend goes to introduce the girl to all of us, and we’re all in shock that he would even talk to a girl this fat. My friend has a pitcher of Long Island, drinking away, happy as hell. My other friend takes his beer and drops it down her shirt and tells her she’s fat and ugly. My friend freaks out, the bouncer sees this, hands-cuffs him with zip ties and drags him out of the bar, and the fat girl ran out after him.
Senior, social work
During spring break my senior year of high school I went to Nashville and went to a Predators game. I paid $5 for a crappy seat, then went down and sat on the glass in the front row.
During another spring break, a group of friends and I drove down to Florida. On the way down, we had three people in each car (two cars). We used walkie-talkies the whole way down to communicate with each other.
Friend’s “actual” version (who wishes to remain anonymous):
We were at Harpoon Harry’s to meet up with the guys. I am drinking a pitcher of Long Island. What really happened was the girl went to spit at the bartender and hit me instead, so I freaked out. I got zip tied and the bouncer drew all over my arms with permanent marker so I couldn’t get into any other bars for the rest of the night. I got cut out of the zip ties, ran into a Taco Bell, and got kicked out because apparently you can’t drink in Taco Bell.