SATIRE: President Eisler drops rap album

Uses $18.6 million state refund in recording studio

President Eisler released a new self-titled album under his alias ‘DJ Eazy-Eis” last week, and it’s already flying off the shelves.

Over 9,000 units have been sold on Ferris State’s campus alone, and 30,000 more have been sold around the rest of the country. However, a big part of the reason could be the fact that it’s available in the university bookstore and The Market, plus proof of purchase of the album promises any Ferris student one semester of free classes.

Needless to say, it’s hugely popular with Ferris students. Yet, its impressive sales record outside of Ferris State’s umbrella can also be attributed to a good reason.

Eisler took advantage of Ferris’ recent $18.6 million state refund to hire world-class collaborators. Kanye West, Adele and music from AC/DC are all featured on the album.

“My goal was to get a lot of people involved in this project. The old saying is that if you can’t beat them, join them. It seems like that’s what all of my collaborating artists chose to do, because my flow can’t be beat,” Eisler said.

Eisler’s flow isn’t the only thing helping him move records though, as his lyrics are also thought-provoking and critically-acclaimed.

“The name’s Eazy-Eis and I’m here to say, I’m sitting in my office stacking bills all day—Rollin’ in Big Rapids punk I’ll see you later, ’cause from here in my Pinto I can’t hear no haters,” says Eisler in his title track “DJ Eazy-Eis.”

The tracklist of Eisler’s album also includes titles such as, “Rollin’ in All Y’all Tuition” and “Clarinet God.”

“This is only the beginning. Now that I’ve topped the rap game, I think it’s time to break into polka music, which is my other passion,” Eisler said. “I’ve been dusting off my old accordion getting ready for my big comeback in a few years.”

Fans of Eisler’s work can hear his new material live at a variety of shows in the coming summer where he’ll be co-headlining with Eminem and holograms of Jimi Hendrix and John Lennon.