SATIRE: What the cluck?

Rabid chicken running amok on Ferris State campus

Clucky the rabid chicken is loose on campus due to an early April Fool’s Day prank backfire.

Friday night, March 24, DPS received a call from two students who claimed to have been chased to The Rock by an angry chicken.

“Kyle and I were just on our way to The Rock when we saw a dark figure sprinting across the parking lot,” Ferris student Ellis Fields said. “It was already late out so we couldn’t see very well. I didn’t know it was a chicken ‘till it was charging towards Kyle.”

Fields managed to get away with no injuries—her friend, Kyle Bowers, was not so lucky.

“I can’t believe she left,” the traumatized Bowers said. “She just left me.”

Another call to DPS was placed Sunday, March 26, by students studying at FLITE.

DPS arrived on the scene to fallen bookshelves, a cluster of white feathers and yet another traumatized student.

“I was just studying and eating my chicken wings, a typical Sunday for me,” said Ferris student Periwinkle Leathers. “Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see a frickin’ chicken. He seemed innocent at first. Then he looked at my plate and became enraged. The rest was a blur.”

DPS confirmed that the rabid chicken belongs to Ferris student James Miller and was the result of a backfired April Fool’s prank.

“My friend Jenn is deathly afraid of chickens,” Miller said. “I thought that if I hid one in her car, she’d freak out. I didn’t expect her to abandon her car as soon as she opened the door.”

Ferris freshman Jenn Penn refused to comment.

After multiple calls to DPS about a rabid chicken, on-campus Ferris classes are cancelled for the time being.

“I’m never going to prank anyone ever again. I just want Clucky home safe,” Miller said.

Students are asked to proceed with caution and to contact animal control at (231) 417-0401.