The Relationship Caste System

The relationship caste system, commonly known as dating “out of one’s league”, is a system that most try in vain not to believe in; however, it is still widely practiced.

My previous article, Sex and the City gives bad relationship advice, briefly mentions dating out of caste.

Sex and the City character Miranda Hobbs, a Harvard educated New York City lawyer, falls in love, has a baby with and marries bartender turned bar owner, Steve Brady. This made-for-TV fairy tale was not so cut and dry though. Hobbs and Brady’s relationship had several road blocks:

Steve made less money than Miranda, but Steve did not go to college.

As a result, Miranda was embarrassed by Steve’s lack of income.

Steve did not feel comfortable with Miranda paying for things and as a result, the two were incompatible on an intellectual, social and financial level.

Steve later cheats on Miranda because their sex life hits a dry spell, but she takes him back because of the love between them. Bologna! This one night stand, turned whirlwind romance was only made possible after the show’s creators put Steve on Miranda’s level by making him a business owner, not just a bartender. The relationship would never have gone anywhere had the two remained miss-matched because it is not realistic that these two would ever be together in the first place.

The caste is shallow, but it is completely true. It is said that opposites attract; however, it is rare that they stay together. Now, I am not saying that people need to be identical twins for a relationship to work. There are some intrinsic values and backgrounds that cannot be avoided in order for a relationship to prosper, though. A drug-addict could not date an avid Christian no more than a monkey could court a zebra.

Money, education, religious belief and of course physical beauty are just some things people tend to link up when they seek a long term partner. If those items do not match up or add up to their own, then the relationship is halted and reduced to a platonic level or no-strings attached sex.

Physical beauty has a loop hole when there is money involved. Yucky dorks like Bill Gates have a slightly higher chance of bagging a Victoria’s Secret model because, well, they are flipping loaded! After all, money makes the world go round and apparently allows men to keep beautiful women in tow.

Women are more likely to believe in the caste than men. Most women, especially professionals, will not date a man if he does not meet the caste system criteria. However, most men do not view dating in the same light.

My boyfriend scoffed at the idea that I would believe in a heartless thing such as a caste system, but I do. Some men are starting to jump on the bandwagon. A male friend of mine said he would not seriously date a girl if she did not go to college, since he is a college grad with a nice job. He said a girl without an education could only offer him sex, not be the mother of his children or his equal.

This sounds harsh but it is important to select a partner that meets your needs. The conflicting views of the sexes are largely based on biology. Men tend to look for partners who are physically attractive, nurturing and can bear children. Women, on the other hand, tend to look for partners that are strong and can support/ assist in supporting them and children.

It is sad to say that love is not enough, there must be other things working for a couple for a relationship to work. If love were enough, the divorce rate would not be sky high! Similarities or at least an understanding of differences help a relationship work. Some opposites might fall in love and live happily ever after; however, those people are the exception and not the rule.