Sexual activity in residence halls gives the term “dorm-mates” a whole new meaning

“It’s pretty much a biological thing. They’ve been doing it since the cave men, so let them keep doing it,” said a Puterbaugh Hall sophomore in pre-pharmacy.

But doing what, exactly? When referring to the few innate biological instincts of man (and woman), there’s one drive that probably comes to the college student’s mind, and sometimes, undesirably, to their ears: sex.

Many students can testify to the awkward, disturbing, and sometimes even hilarious “ear witness” of fellow students satisfying that biological urge.

“I got back at three in the morning once from hanging out with friends and nestled in my bed to read my Bible when I heard super loud groans, yells and smacking. I turned the music up and tried to drown it out and go to bed,” said another Puterbaugh hall resident and sophomore in pre-pharmacy. “Another time I was in my room trying to study. But I couldn’t because they were ‘studying anatomy’ over there.”

Many other students find it hard to tolerate the awkwardness of the scenario and decide to turn to humor to cope.

“Every night I heard very loud sex from my wall-mate. When she was done, my friends and I would put one of those Easy Buttons from the Staples commercials against the wall that say ‘That was easy’ and push the button,” said a Miller Hall sophomore in elementary education.

This student wasn’t the only one who had a laugh at what she heard from her hormonal hall-mates.

“My suitemate and her boyfriend have shower sex. It’s funny, but disturbing. I don’t want to touch the shower walls. It’d be nice if they’d clean it when they’re done,” said a laughing Clark Hall sophomore in integrative studies.

Despite all the stories of those living in residence halls, students can’t always escape it when they move off campus.

“It follows me, I guess. This year I hear Skype sex probably about three times a week. Once in a while I turn the TV up, but unlike everyone in your hall, I’m friends with her and I understand because she has a long distance relationship. If it really got in the way of sleeping or studying, I would say something. It can be awkward sometimes, but we usually laugh it off,” said a junior in graphic design living in UPS apartments.

But what’s more awkward than hearing two people go at it? Try more than two people.

Various anonymous sources testified to hearing an “obvious” six-person orgy in Puterbaugh Hall last year, proving that even Honors residence halls are not so innocent.

For other students, an even more uncomfortable situation arises when others are doing it while their friend or roommate is still in the room.

“What was really awkward is that one of the times she was definitely cheating on someone. The girl and the guy had switched beds, so the next morning when I woke up and it was the other way around and she wasn’t wearing very much clothing, I assumed what happened. She confirmed it later. It would have been nice to not be in the room at the time,” said a first year pharmacy studnet who currently lives in Tioga Park Apartments.

So where’s the line, and what does respectful behavior entail? Some students clearly show no respect, directly interfering in the lives of others.

“I was sitting there listening to my music, not very loudly, and my suitemate’s girlfriend yelled from the bathroom, telling me to keep it down,” said a Bond Hall freshman in pre-nuclear medicine.

Another student tried to intervene himself and was still not taken seriously.

“I told the girl personally if she’s going to do it, don’t do it when I’m trying to go to bed after 11. She never really followed that request,” said a Puterbaugh Hall freshman in mechanical engineering.

Eventually, this student had to go the resident advisor to intervene.

“I knocked on the door and she answered laughing. I told her she received a noise complaint and that they need to quiet down,” said a Puterbaugh Hall RA.

But even this didn’t solve the problem. Eventually the RA had to go to the hall director to take care of things.

“People should be able to sleep and study in their rooms no matter what time of day. If people are having sex too loud, that’s a problem. And even though you might not think it’s a big deal, people with different morals and backgrounds might find it offensive and you should be more respectful and understanding,” said the RA.

Others share this opinion, some incorporating their own personal views into the mix.

“Abstinence is the best policy,” said a Vandercook Hall sophomore in physical therapy.

This may not be a bad idea, as one student heard talk of one of the possible side effects of sex: pregnancy.

“I came to Westview once because it was so bad. When I returned to my room, my suitemate and his girlfriend were talking and I heard her complaining about a positive pregnancy test,” said a Bond Hall freshman in pre-nuclear medicine.

Others are more tolerant with the action, but just ask that people be more conscientious about it.

“Don’t be super loud when you do it. Do it when not everyone can hear. You are living with other people,” said one of the Puterbaugh Hall sophomores in pre-pharmacy.

“It’s a dorm hall. I mean, kids go to college just to get away. They can do what they want, but they should know their limit and when to quiet down. So when it comes to the nasty, turn on some music or anything to take away the noise,” said one of the Puterbaugh Hall sophomores in pre-pharmacy. “It does make for good stories to tell, though. Sometimes I stop what I’m doing and get my friends from the other rooms to come and listen.”

Most students are fairly understanding of the issue, but at the end of the day, an overall theme of respect laid behind most students’ thoughts on the matter, especially when living in such close quarters with others.

Though “they’ve been doing it since the cavemen,” most can agree people have come a long way since then, and can at least have the courtesy to consider those around them. n