Life in limbo

Midterm grades have yet to come out and students are already discussing housing options for next year.

Many underclassmen are looking forward to moving off-campus for the first time and struggling with the age-old apartment or house debate. Upperclassmen are deciding whether or not they can go another 10 months with that one roommate always leaving their dishes in the sink.

It doesn’t seem too long ago when I was an underclassman touring apartments and houses. I remember how exciting it was when my friends and I signed our first lease.

This year, surrounded by the excited chatter about where people are going to live next year, I feel out of place. For the first time in my entire life, I don’t know where I’ll be living next year.

I don’t know if I’ll be in a house or an apartment because I don’t even know what state or city I’ll find a job in. The reality of graduation is starting to set in.

I’m excited to graduate. Really, I am. However, I can’t deny the odd sort-of limbo my approaching departure has put me in.

The feelings of certainty and belonging seem to go hand-in-hand. Perhaps once my future becomes a little clearer, I’ll be able to re-assimilate with my peers.

Honestly though, I don’t think that’s going to happen. Even if I find a job or decide where I’m going to live, I’m essentially past the point of no return. The vortex of adulthood already has me in its clutches.

I’m starting to find comfort in the awkwardness of current situation. Contrary to what my middle school self would have ever believed, not belonging feels rights.

This next step will might be the most difficult of my entire life, but I predict it will also be the most worthwhile.