Modern Love

Why threesomes are overrated

I hate to shatter your college fantasies, but threesomes are absolutely overrated.

I know, college is pretty much the one period in your life where you will have the highest probability of fulfilling these fantasies of yours. However, I think it’s time to revamp your wet dreams.

For the most part, the threesome fantasy stemmed from the greedy little minds of the male population’s “lower brain.”

Let’s be realistic, females aren’t too fond of sharing their man-candy (or woman-candy, whichever team you swing for.) And if any of you boys say that you’d willingly share a hot chick with another dude, you’re lying.

Let me break it down for you. Obviously, the male dream is to have two females worshipping him like the alpha-man sex god that he thinks himself to be.

Let’s be honest, at this age, college boys have a hard enough time pleasing one female. There’s no way he can handle two.

Same goes with two males and a female. It’s just more work. Don’t even get me started on the awkward positions you have to arrange three people into for everyone to have a good time.

Penises are weird and slightly intimidating as it is, I can’t imagine why a girl would want two of them in her face.

If you are one of the two same-sex participants with one of the opposite sex, get ready for some naked, awkward, and unwanted competition.

Females are naturally inclined to start competing with each other when there’s only one guy around. If he starts to favor one girl, the other going to get pissed off.

Talk about a buzzkill. Again, the same goes for you boys. You’re always getting into these alpha-male battles. It’s called peacocking.

So my advice for you is to keep your peacock to yourself and one partner and quit being so damn greedy.