There is only one time in our lives when a third wheel is a positive thing.
Unfortunately, we outgrow the fascination before we even hit double digits. Now, the third wheel is nothing but a curse.
Urban Dictionary defines it as “one who deters the socialization of a couple, usually invited out of pity or through a feeling of duty.”
I, however, define it as awkwardly sitting on the couch across from your friend and their significant other as they blatantly make out in front of you.
You know the friends I’m talking about- the ones who invite you over to chill and once you arrive, you discover they have their boyfriend/girlfriend waiting as well. Talk about false advertising.
Yeah, relationships are a wonderful thing, and I’m happy that you found love, but don’t invite me to come hangout with you when the probable outcome is you and your boyfriend getting it on while I just get annoyed and pretty much ignored.
This puts us outsiders in a compromising position because as your friend, we’re obligated to support your decisions and be friends with whomever you’re dating.
That’s fine and all, I’m more than happy to hangout with the two of you, but preferably in a larger group so I don’t have to play babysitter once again.
This may come as a shocker, but I don’t happen to find your pet names and Eskimo kisses as adorable as you do. Sorry, Loveywubbasnugglepuff.
Let’s get another thing straight. It is never, EVER a good idea to invite a third person out with you and your significant other to a restaurant.
This can only result in awkward seating arrangements and sympathetic looks from waitresses that say, “Aw, your uncomfortable solitude is just precious!” No, thank you.
My advice to fellow third wheelers: turn the tables on your friends, and make them the uncomfortable ones. Talk obnoxiously on the phone, pop your gum, play Schoolboy Q at a high volume. Whatever it takes.
If you’re in a relationship, don’t do this to your single friends. We have all been there and it is just not cute.