Want a kidney?

Body parts to sell for tuition

If you’re like me, then you’ve considered just about everything to pay off your tuition and loans. But there is one idea that I’ve been throwing around in my head for a while.

I was in my morning class when I came up with the idea of selling my organs on the market. I figured it was a stupid idea at first, but I did some research and, although I now have a very questionable browsing history, the numbers I found were astounding.

Did you know the average kidney’s street value, depending on the buyer, ranges from $3,000 to $85,000? A Japanese kid sold one of his kidneys for roughly $5,000 to a group of “transplant tourists” to buy an iPad and iPhone.

Did you know the average gallbladder’s street value is $7,000? Do you know what you could do with that money?

There are about 100,000 people in the U.S. that are on a waiting list for an organ, but only 15,000 donate, so you’d be doing a public service.

I’ll be honest with you, it’s most likely illegal to sell your organs (editor’s note: it’s definitely illegal), but I doubt that will stop some people from trying it. Hell, if you’re really good friends with someone, ask them if you can have one of their organs to sell. That’s a great way to test how great and close your friendship is.

If you think it’s too extreme to sell your organs, then maybe try shooting a little lower. If you can catch my drift.

I’m talking about sperm, guys.

Being a sperm donor can gain you an average of $1,000 per sample. That covers about one three credit class. And you’ll also have some extra spending money for pizza. Love pizza? So do I.

Ladies, your eggs are worth just about $8,000. If you’re an underclassman and a Michigan resident, then your average tuition cost is $10,444 per year ($10,668 for juniors and seniors). So donating your eggs could cover about 80% of your tuition. Just sell your kidney to cover the other 20% and you’re good to go.

Sometimes, it’s good to go the simple route. Sell your hair and make some money.

You can only do this if you have long hair, naturally. Some people have been paid $1,000 for their hair. You’re probably not going to make $1,000 for your hair. I’m sure $100 is more realistic. Think of how much pizza $100 can buy.

I hope this has helped some of you get ideas for paying off your brutal loans and tuition. If you decide to sell an organ and succeed, you’re welcome.