Modern Love

Strict top, no femmes

In Grindr logic, there are two types of gay men: “strict tops” and those who are versatile. Yes kids, we’re talking about gay sex today.

The breakdown is this: if you’re a top you’re the one doing the thrusting and if you’re a bottom you’re the one taking it. So why is it that among gay men nobody wants to identify as a bottom? Likely because bottoming is perceived as “feminine” and I ain’t no girly-man, ya hear? Or at least this is the thought process behind most “strict tops.”

I’ve had it said to me by many a self-identifying “top only” that topping is simply more manly and thus superior. But how can preferring one sex position to the other be more or less masculine. Instead of stating that being a top is manlier, “strict tops” should just say what they really mean: not more manly but less gay.

Even in the gay community, it seems, being “too gay” is taboo, which is why on every Grindr profile you’ll like see “masc man looking for same” or “no femmes plz.” But why does this dichotomy even need to exist, it’s just enforcing a harmful and needless hierarchy where there doesn’t need to be.

Grindr, for those who don’t know, is basically Tinder but excusive to gay men. Same purpose with usually the same results.

The debate between whether or not it is better to be masculine is asinine; “masculine” is a social construction that we all choose to abide by, it is not a genetic predisposition. Just by having a penis every man is equally as masculine. Marginalizing effeminate gay men as something to be ashamed of just adds more oppression to a culture of people who are already marginalized enough. Don’t discriminate, guys, the government already does that for us.

And finally, there’s the misconception among even gay men that it hurts to be on bottom. I’ll say nothing other than: if you do it right, it shouldn’t. Google is your friend.

I say we stop the fighting right here and now: topping and bottom are equally as gay, and will be as long as on the end of your johnson is another dude. Enjoy what you enjoy, because to those who are against two men getting it on, the distinction of being a top or bottom won’t matter.