Nice buns, hun

It seems only a year ago they were just a rumor, a purported craze embraced by big city hipster gents keen on offbeat fashion. But as the weather warmed, the hats came off and the truth came out: man buns are here and now a reality.

You’ve noticed them. You probably remember witnessing your first man bun and giggling softly. Well, you’re probably not giggling now. The joke’s over. Man buns are serious business.

So just how popular is the celebrated top knot? To put it this way, if one were to create a drinking game involving sips of alcohol for every man bun spotted on campus, that person would be dead within hours.

It raises many questions: Who started this? Who encouraged this? Professional soccer players? Hipsters? The Illuminati?

It could be the style was inspired by women (duh, Jonny). The lazy sloppy-bun-and-yoga-pants style is an ideal low-maintenance fashion choice for the female student with early classes. Well, we men can be lazy, too. And jealous. Nothing is sacred.

The popularity of the man bun isn’t necessarily new. It goes back to ancient Persia. Or something. Who cares about the history, anyway? It cannot save us now.

Like any fashion trend, it is important to know when a fad has reached critical mass. One surefire method is examining Hollywood. As soon as something is embraced by the superstar elite, there is no containing it. Last year alone Chris Hemsworth, Bradley Cooper, Jake Gyllenhaal, Shia LaBeouf, Kit Harringon, Justin Bieber and Leonardo DiCaprio were all sporting the illustrious ‘do.

With the red carpet’s seal of approval in place, the look has spread across demographics like wildebeests, infiltrating even the less fashion-minded male populace.

There are some male students so impatient to be trendy they throw in the hair tie before their locks are even long enough to sustain the trademark look, each one resembling a drunk and slightly bewildered samurai warrior on his day off.

Those who know me have been thinking this whole time, “but Jonny… how can you criticize these fellows when you yourself wear the infamous m-b?” Not everything I do is a good idea, you guys. I realize I need a haircut, and with student loans rolling in, maybe it’s time to say goodbye to it. My girlfriend likes it so I’m hesitant.

So there. The man bun, though maybe a slightly clever idea at the start, has clearly gotten out of hand. The novelty has worn off; it’s overstayed its welcome. Three cheers to every dude whose New Year’s resolution is to cut the damn thing off before it has grown too powerful to kill. Amen?