What’s shame got to do with it?

Sexual activity is normal and healthy

Column submitted by: Lyndzi Sakowski

Opening scene: the atmosphere on a lonely night at Star Shooters bar. The smell of stale beer and forgotten alcohol clothe the room. People linger around the activity of “getting lucky tonight.” There are moves being busted out on the dance floor—an age-old mating ritual of our species. In this crowded bar, we are even lonelier without a companion by our side. Does this sound familiar? Of course it does! 

This scene may not be the most glamorous but it’s certainly universal. People have and always will seek a mate. Whether it’s for good or for one night, we have all experienced a night of basking in the attention of another person. Sometimes we just want to cuddle with a cutie. 

Here’s the thing: sexual activity is a normal occurrence but social attitudes of shame trivialize it. This Valentine’s Day, I am here to remind you all that there is nothing wrong with seeking physical attention from another. It’s hardwired into our primal brain to desire it. And it’s fun to flirt and do-the-do with someone. 

So why do societal norms try to instill shame and even hatred towards sex? I honestly couldn’t tell you. For example, there is a negative stigma attached to sex before marriage or sex with more than one suitor. This seems like wasted energy to me. 

We could all do ourselves some good by recognizing that sex is a normal occurrence. Resisting the normality of this urge and desire can have negative impacts on our sense of self and how we operate in intimate relationships. It’s just plain icky to degrade others for participating—after all, this is a human experience and one I am hoping to advocate to be a peaceful, acceptable one! 

In the same breath, I advocate for safe, honest and attentive sex. This means a few things. First, set clear boundaries. A one night stand is dirty when there’s a hidden agenda. If and when “feels” do begin to brew, be upfront about it. So in other words: communicate! 

If you have an STI, let your sexual partner know so they can make an informed decision to sleep with you or not. Get tested and treated and communicate to your sexual partners to do the same. This will halt STI breakouts right in their tracks. 

Secondly, make sure your suitor can knowingly participate. Don’t be a predator, make sure your person can formally consent. Sidebar: no one owes you sex. Take your “losses” as opportunities for the next candidate like a true gentleman (or woman). 

Have fun! Spice up your sex life and bring presence into the experience. Pay homage to the divine human body in front of you and surrender to the pleasure. Romance isn’t dead and it’s so fulfilling for both parties involved. 

So the next time you’re prowling the scene, brush off that charming smile and bring back the class, communicate and spread the love.

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