What now?

I’m not sure what my future holds

The past is constantly looking over my shoulder as I flirt with the future. As someone who had a 10-year plan when she was 12 years old, you can imagine the stress that I am under now that my old plans have been blasted to smithereens. 

Growing up, I always dreamed of being a doctor. I was fascinated by medicine and wanted to find the cure for Lou Gehrig’s disease—a progressive nervous system disease that weakens muscles and impacts physical function. I worked my butt off to get good grades to work towards attending my dream college. 

Becoming chronically ill was the fire that lit the dynamite. My plans fell apart and it took me a long time to recognize that you can’t plan for every contingency. 

After spending countless hours in doctor’s waiting rooms, I hate hospitals now. Medicine is interesting until you present as your own medical mystery. 

Once I entered high school, I tried finding my way and learning about things that interested me. I like to digest as many subjects as possible in my free time. As someone who is extremely competitive, I wanted to be the best at whatever I set my sights on. 

I eventually decided to run with what I’m good at—public speaking and writing. I didn’t know what to do once I started at Ferris. I dual enrolled at Washtenaw Community College to save money in high school and that shortened my window at figuring out what to do with my degree. It’s working out for me so far. 

As soon as I set foot on campus, I felt like a timer was following me around like an unorthodox Grim Reaper. Just like the stereotypical multicultural kids laughing at an imaginary joke on college pamphlets, I wanted to find a place where I belonged. I found it here at Ferris and soon I’ll have to say goodbye. 

That timer is about to go off and I’m not looking forward to the frayed nerves and sleepless nights guaranteed to be in my near future. Walking in graduation will be an amazing experience I’ll get to have with my family and friends but I’m not immune to the void of what happens afterwards. I don’t know how grad school will pan out or who I’ll keep in contact with or if my field is even hiring. 

Fingers crossed that the future will be kind to me as I navigate adulthood. I’ve learned to loosen my grip on expectations and it’s time to retire my 10-year plan. I don’t know what will happen but I’ll have a degree at the end of it all to pair with the memories I’ve made as a Bulldog.

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