Here comes the sap

Advice from a departing senior

Graphic by: Sarah Massey | Production Manager

After four years of homework, exams, late nights and way too many carbs, it’s almost time for me to blow this popsicle stand.

I’m not much for sappy stuff but like my Torchie predecessors before me, I feel the need to write a senior sign-off column. Without further ado, here are some of the valuable things I’ve learned whilst getting my degree.

1. If you are capable and competent enough to own a pet, adopt a pet. They are huge sources of joy in a bleak world.

2. Meal prep. You don’t even want to know how many pounds of mac and cheese I ate over the past four years, sim- ply because I didn’t have anything else prepared to eat and had no time to cook a well-balanced meal during the day.

3. Don’t stop doing the things you love, even if you think you don’t have enough time to do them. Your hobbies begin to shrivel away the longer you leave them, so keep them, rather than browsing the infu- riating world of Facebook for two hours in a vegetable state.

4. If you’re finally getting tired of almost getting t-boned in the UC parking lot, try parking at Prakken instead. You might have to walk a little bit farther but at least there might actually be a rare species of commuter parking over there.

5. Save your flipping money. Being an adult is hard and Starbucks doesn’t help you pay your bills.

6. Always go on Meijer runs post-7 p.m. This is prime time for peace and quiet while you pick up groceries and odds are the aisles won’t be clogged with people playing bumper-carts.

7. Go out with your friends. Go to the things you get invited to and enjoy the company of other human beings. Have a genuine conversation with someone over a pint of Oberon. Even if you don’t feel like going, positive human interaction is almost guaranteed to make you feel better.

8. Instead of waiting in line to use the tiny two-stall restroom in front of the IRC Starbucks, walk a few steps over to the much bigger restrooms that are per- pendicular to the Office of International Education.

9. While we’re still on the topic of restrooms, here’s a tip: if you’re able-bod- ied, don’t choose the big stall in the bathroom unless it’s the only one open. If someone who has a physical handicap comes in, they will be waiting for that stall and for you to finish checking Snapchat and you will feel like a major jerk when you walk out and see them waiting for the handicap-accessible stall when you could have chosen any of the other stalls.

10. Finally, always get tater tots at Schuberg’s, because they are the best in town and life is too short not to have tater tots with your meal.

After four years both at Ferris and at the Torch, I leave you with this import- ant advice. Go forth and conquer, young Bulldogs. This is Jen Corrie, signing off for the last time. See you on the flip side.