“You need help.”
“Who cares what your parents say?”
It’s actually really hard for me to figure out how to write this because I’m still contemplating canceling the appointment I just set up at the Personal Counseling Center.
Not because I don’t think I need a therapist – I do – but because I’m scared. For most of my life, I’ve kept myself happy by playing by myself, having conversations with myself, reading, writing and drawing.
To quickly summarize why I think I am depressed, my spring semester went a little something like this: my grades were the lowest they’ve been for me personally, my love life was in unnecessary shambles, my grandpa on my mom’s side was “getting worse” and Michigan was being its weather-fickle self as per usual. I was losing motivation to do classwork. I was losing motivation to be with friends. I stopped trying to reach out to people back home unless they contacted me first, even my own parents. I just wanted to lay in bed or stay in my dorm.
My eating habits were completely destroyed to the point where a friend from my hometown ordered a Domino’s pizza to be delivered to my dorm after I had gone 20 hours without eating.
I was, for the first time in the 20 years of my existence, beginning to wonder if “not existing” would be better.
According to a WebMD article, the symptoms of depression are: “trouble concentrating, remembering details and making decisions; fatigue; feelings of guilt, worthlessness and helplessness; pessimism and hopelessness; insomnia, early-morning wakefulness or sleeping too much; irritability; restlessness; loss of interest in things once pleasurable, including sex; overeating or appetite loss; aches, pains, headaches or cramps that won’t go away; digestive problems that don’t get better, even with treatment; persistent sad, anxious or ‘empty’ feelings; suicidal thoughts or attempts.”
If any of this sounds like you, please take advantage of the free service to enrolled students and go schedule an appointment at the PCC. If you are anxious about making an appointment, ask a friend to go with you. It’s scary to admit that you need help but it’s better to know if you really do need help or if a simpler solution can help your current situation.
The honest truth? I started crying when I had to answer “why are you seeking counseling,” because I honestly don’t know. Because I was told to? Because I want this whole year to be better than my spring semester? Because I want to have something “wrong” with me and “fix” it?
Because I’m scared?
No. Because out of those four phrases at the beginning of this article, I only want to be able to say one to myself: