Chat with the chief: Dear Mother Nature

You remember me, right? I curse at you pretty much every morning while I pray for dear life as I walk to class. I’m hoping you’re familiar with me; after all, I am talking about you all the time.

I’m in a bind here, Mother Nature. It is the first week of March and the end to the winter weather is not in sight. Sure, there’s still a couple weeks left of winter, so I really shouldn’t complain.

But, just because I shouldn’t doesn’t mean I won’t.

I will be frank, Mother Nature: these weather patterns are driving me mad. I miss the days when I could walk outside, feel the mild air and not meticulously stare at my feet, watching my every step as I navigate the icy walkways. I miss the days when I could go without wearing gloves and my fingers wouldn’t be red and numb. I miss the days when I’d never have to worry about cancelling plans due to the feet of snow coating the roads, causing car accidents and traffic jams.

As an optimistic person, I made the mistake of believing the storms you caused in January would be the worst of it. And that’s probably true: they were the worst of it. However, the rest hasn’t been so great.

The Feb. 24 storm was the one that put me over the edge. How can it be snowing AGAIN? All it does is snow. We don’t even have room for it all.

One day in the distant future, I’ll have kids and they’ll ask me why there is still snow on the ground in July. I’ll have to tell them that the ridiculously-high snow piles still haven’t melted from the winter of 2019, where the winter storms barely stopped and everything was bad.

It’s not that I’m not grateful. I always praise you where praise is due. I frequently express my gratitude for beautiful autumn mornings, hot and sunny summer days — perfect for spending in the pool — and rainstorms that make you want to curl up and be cozy. I compliment your weather patterns when they are nice, and there’s a lot that fall into this category.

But lately, it appears you’ve forgotten how to do anything other than create massive flurries and ice storms (and it’s never just a dusting of snow. You believe in “Go big or go home,” and you almost always go big.) And quite honestly, I can’t take it anymore.

I thought complaining to you would be the best solution, but clearly that isn’t working, so I’m asking you for mercy. Please, for me and every other Michigander, spare us. Put an end to this mess, at least for now. I can’t afford a tropical vacation and I’d like my home state to be at least tolerable until I can.

Mother Nature, hear us out. This weather is depressing, dangerous and far overdone. We’ve received enough snow this winter to last us a lifetime, but I’m just asking that you make it last for the season.

Please protect the sanity of everyone affected by this. If I see another person stuck in the snowy road or slipping on a patch of ice, I might just lose my mind.