Chat with the chief: WANTED: Thin Mints

Can someone PLEASE tell me what a woman has to do to get some damn Girl Scout cookies around here?

When I was back in my hometown, I treasured this time of year. Finally, I could sit down and devour an entire $4 box of Samoas in one sitting. (Which in reality, is like, 10 cookies. But honestly? Worth the price.)

I am from a super small town — one that consists of a single stoplight and a cornfield in the backyard of every house. My town didn’t have a gas station until two years ago, and to buy any groceries, you’ll need to travel to the next town over.

Still, even if I struggled to find somewhere local to get a gallon of milk, it was never a problem to find Girl Scout cookies to go with it. Anytime you walked into a store, a cookie booth was set up. Multiple times a year, I’d have Brownies wearing their patch-covered vests shoving an order form into my face.

That was just the way I liked it.

Now, living in Big Rapids during the most wonderful time of the year (sorry, Christmas), Girl Scout cookies are nearly impossible to find. So here I sit, refreshing the Girl Scout website to find cookie booths in my area, with blank pages filling my screen. Here I stand, in front of Meijer with empty hopes of seeing herds of cookie dealers handing out the best boxed sweets in the world, only to be disappointed.

And by the time I get home, cookie season is dead. Consequently, so is my spirit.

My friends tell me they always see the cookie booths at Walmart in Big Rapids, but of all the times I’ve gone there for that purpose alone, I’ve been out of luck. I don’t know. Maybe Girl Scouts are just invisible to me or something.

Perhaps I’m just not seeing the sales. Maybe the troops set up shop the second I drive away from any local establishment. Maybe the people advertising the sales on Facebook are just not popping up on my feed.

If that’s the case, someone point me in the right direction. However, I’ve been at Ferris for three years and have yet to see anything advertising the cookie sales, so I don’t think I’m entirely oblivious.

Girl Scouts and Girl Scout Troop Leaders, hear my cry. If you had a stronger presence in Big Rapids, especially on Ferris’ campus, you would thrive. I guarantee you I’m not the only college student who is down to stress-eat rows of Tagalongs while studying for an exam.

I’m not sure how else you can do it other than setting up booths; I don’t know if you can still sell boxes of cookies door-to-door or post the order form on social media. Regardless, if Ferris students knew you were selling them locally, I’d bet a lot of money your sales would go up. Let’s face it: Girl Scout cookies are delicious, and when they’re only offered seasonally, it’s hard to turn them down.

But until I find the seemingly underground Girl Scout society in town, I guess I’ll just keep eating the Keebler Grasshopper cookies. If I close my eyes and think about it hard enough, maybe they’ll taste like the real thing.

So, Big Rapids Girl Scouts, if you’re reading this (and you probably aren’t because most elementary students don’t read newspapers), I’d like to order some Thin Mints, please.

Actually, I’ll take all the Thin Mints you have.