I am one of the kids that slipped through the cracks when it came to sex ed. My mom didn’t want to talk to me about the things adults did underneath their bed sheets.
I had somewhat of an understanding from taking health class for four years between middle school and high school but even then they tried to beat around the bush. Even now as an almost 20 year-old I get scolded for speaking about this in public. But I don’t get what the big deal is. Sex is something most consenting adults do on the daily. Why is this not a conversation adults have?
For years parents have tried to side step the birds and the bees conversation (where did this term even come from and why “birds” and “bees”) and I was one of the uneducated victims to this. Growing up my parents always joked around about their sex life (gross) but when it came to my siblings and my own sexual life, we were told to basically not even think about sex. So when it came time to finally go to the next step with my boyfriend at the time I wasn’t sure what to do.
Do I bring condoms? Do I even need condoms if we’re both virgins? How was I even sure if I was ready for this? Who could I talk to? My mom was definetly off the table and I wasn’t very close to any of my other female relatives. I also couldn’t go to any of my friends because I was afraid they’d judge me or worse, tell my mom. Could I go to my teacher? But we barely talked about it during the sex ed part of health how am I supposed to go to her now?
I have always gone with the saying, “If you are uncomfortable talking about sex with your partner then you shouldn’t be doing it.” If you can’t have a sit down conversation about what you intend on doing and what you expect, then what makes you think you can show that person the most intement parts of you? Talking about it also allows you and your partner talk about what you like and dislike because why even have sex if you’re not both going to enjoy it and respect each other’s boundries.
Even now with my peers and even friends, most of them get uncomfortable when the topic gets brought up even though we’re all adults. Why is sex shown as something that is such a horrible thing when most people participate in it. Maybe it comes from the stereotypes that if females have sex they are automatically a whore or slut.
This is one of the reasons I didn’t go to my mom. She told me sleeping with my long term boyfriend would make people see me the same as a girl in my grade who was very promiscous with the boys from our town.
Ever since then, I have been very defensive whenever someone tries to shame myself or others for our sexual decisions. Everytime someone tries to verbally attack a female one of the first things they go for is their sex life and the overuse of it. The same goes for males but often in the opposite sense. They are often shamed for their lack of experience.
Talking about sex is not a big deal and should be normalized throughout our society. We should redesign how health class and sex ed is taught so our children are well prepared in life and not afraid to ask questions.