In Michigan, we know that if you never find joy in snow, you’ll have less of a joyous life but the same amount of snow.
I recently finished reading the book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankl. Some of the wisdom he shared aligned well with my worldview, but with much more expertise and life experience.
“The last of the human freedoms [is to] choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way,” Frankl wrote.
It feels absurd to believe that someone enduring something even a fraction as traumatic as what Frankl survived would have any control over their well-being. How insensitive would it be to remind a person experiencing extreme pain or loss that it is their choice to keep a positive attitude?
Still, Frankl observed the lives of those around him as a prisoner in World War II.
The men who kept hope and found meaning in their suffering not only lived better, he argued that it helped them live longer. Even during regular outbreaks of typhus, Frankl connected one’s mortality to his ability to find something to live for.
It is not only possible for us to resist the tempting belief that we are victims of our circumstances, it is physically necessary.
I see people every day who act as if their lives happen to them, and they are nothing but passive casualties of their external problems. They have lost gratitude, self-awareness, responsibility and often kindness. My mom and I call this as the “only me” mentality. If we ever hear someone endlessly pitying themselves, or if we catch one another doing it, we will loudly over-exaggerate the words “Only me!” It is cathartic and funny because it is never true.
You are not the only person going through trials and tribulations. They come with life. By singling yourself out as the world’s main character, you still have the same number of problems and fewer people to empathize with.
It strikes me when I meet people who are living lives objectively more difficult than mine and still find ways to bring joy to others. I have been gifted at the Torch with several people who have every right to dwell on terrible things in their lives, genuinely through no fault of their own. Instead, they do the opposite. They are some of the kindest and most gracious people I have ever met. They take it upon themselves to enjoy what they do have instead of mourning what they lack. They inspire me every time we speak.
Frankl was influenced by philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, who said, “He who has a why to live for can survive almost any how.” I was influenced by author and divorce lawyer James Sexton, who said, “Alright, we all have an equal right to be f***ing miserable, don’t we?”
It is pointless to count deductions in life. Life isn’t gymnastics where you start at a perfect 10 and count down for every mistake. Everything we do have is a bonus and we should all count those up.