I’ve never been the poster boy of academic excellence.
With that being said, I’ve never been a slacker either. I know my happy medium and how much time I need to complete an assignment. However, I continually push my deadlines to the absolute last second before I know it would cause trouble. I’m a procrastinator.
However, with my current standing as a graduating senior, the procrastination issue has united with my senioritis. My early days of procrastination were filled with fears of failure. A bad grade was the death of me. I’d be close to tears.
Fast forward to now, I don’t have a shred of worry. However, this isn’t because I’ve mellowed out. I still have my issues with failure. This lack of worry is born from a lack of caring. Yes, I’ve never been one to let myself fail. Yes, the assignments will be done on time. But the same passion from my years as an underclassman is long gone.
I’ve used the phrase “slogging through” lately. I feel it’s pretty accurate. My combination of procrastination and senioritis has made everything due on Canvas nothing more than a chore. A means to an end. That’s all it is.
A former, younger, more optimistic version of myself would feel more excited about his classes. He’d be more excited to almost be at the finish line. Not to say that I’m not thrilled to collect my diploma, but it feels more like a part of the plan now than something that I once thought was so far away.
Now with graduation less than three months away, the classes I currently have are just large, looming steps in the way of being done. The joy isn’t exactly there, at least for right now.
I don’t think this is great. I wish I could feel excited every moment. Every assignment turned in is truly one inch closer to walking across a graduation stage.
The apathy from senioritis and the academic stubbornness from my procrastination have put me in this state. Is it worth it to get out of it for three more months? Yes and no.
It’s not exactly productive to remain apathetic regarding homework. I’m unwilling to test my uncaring nature when it comes to assignments. So, I suppose I’ll have to complete all of them. Unfortunately, my senioritis isn’t isolated to homework.
Now I know senioritis is a solely school-based ailment. I know it’s derived from schoolwork. However, I think it goes a little further.
The feeling of apathy has spread to the university and the surrounding town. I’m not saying this because both have massive issues that ruin my quality of life, but because the same thing for four years has taken its toll on me.
It’s a feeling I’m sure I felt in my final year of high school. Seeing the same years of 18 years and being on the brink of something new only exacerbates that version of senioritis.
I’m pining for something new with this Ferris State senioritis. I’ve seen enough of a rural town to last me another 22 years. There’s a driving force in my heart that wants me to see more. Trips to Milwaukee and New Orleans this past year have given me a new lease on life being somewhere more lively.
I’m not motivated by Big Rapids. Nice, small town, sure. But the youthful exuberance I know I still have needs more. There’s an entire world out there, and I’ll be damned if I retire to somewhere just yet.
Between homework assignments, senioritis, procrastination and this town, I’m slogging through. Maybe I’ll wake up one morning with a burning desire to be interested and on top of things. Until then, I’ll be counting the days until the next step.