On August 31, out of nowhere, my 88-year-old grandma suffered a stroke. She was rushed to the hospital, and it was later revealed that the stroke was caused by two cancerous tumors that had been growing in her brain.
The largest of the tumors was removed, but the smaller one was in too vital of an area to take out. As some time passed, the smaller tumor rapidly grew to fill the empty cavity that the larger one had left.
The knowledge that a tumor is slowly killing and taking my grandma has affected me heavily.
I am a design senior in the College of Business. As you may expect, my senior year has been very busy and abhorrently stressful. The main class that has been causing me so much trouble is my six-credit practicum course called The Design Project Center (DPC), where my classmates and I do real work for real clients
Because of the nature of my DPC class, we work as a team with real deadlines that cannot be moved so easily. If I do not do my work, then there will be real-world consequences besides just a low grade on an assignment.
I am having to choose between going home and spending time with grandma or completing my assignments. It is strenuous to put on a smile every day, trying to ignore the weight and knowledge that my grandma is dying and I can’t do anything about it. What little I can do is spend time with her but time is the one thing I do not have an abundance of.
I am aware that courses accommodate some time for students to miss class before dropping a letter grade. But it is not that simple. If I miss a class, it does not mean that the assignments just disappear.
If I miss a few days of class to focus on my grandma, my classmates will have to cover for me. That may seem easy, but there are only four seniors in the design program. There are so few of us that if one of us leaves, then it is a struggle to keep up with the workload before we drown.
Even when I do have the time to visit my home to see my grandma, I am not able to be completely mentally there. I will always have assignments pulling me back to my computer to complete them. I’ll always have those dreaded deadlines looming over my head.
During all the late nights of homework and during class, I can’t help but have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I’m spending my time wrong.
My grandma is dying, there’s no doubt about that and I am sitting in class moving pixels across a screen. Should I not be there with her? I should be beside her.
Isn’t the life of another person more important than some degree?
I’m putting all these years of effort and tireless late nights into the one day that every college student dreams of: graduation. But I know that by the 2026 spring graduation, I fear my grandma will most likely no longer be with us.
I feel as though I have no time to breathe. All the stress of my senior year is suffocating me so that I have no time to properly digest my emotions surrounding my grandma.
I can feel myself withering away and falter, trying to choose between two impossible things: spending time with someone I love who will die, or completing my coursework so I can graduate and start a career.
I am a believer in therapy and counseling. I believe it would do me good to have an outlet like therapy to deal with all these emotions. But if I have no time to spend with my grandma, then why would I have enough time for therapy?
The university does not accommodate balancing grief and class. At least not completely. I should not have to choose. I should be able to spend time with my grandma every day, but the weight of my classes is too hard to balance.
I am striving toward the end of the first semester of my senior year. I will graduate because I have to. But my path is laid with tears and grief, where more are sure to come.
If you are dealing with something similar or need someone to reach out to, please contact Ferris State’s Personal Counseling Center at (231) 591-5968 or Th****@****is.edu.