As of late, even the simplest parts of my day feel like mountains, and I wake each morning already exhausted, staring at the ceiling, wondering how I’m supposed to make it through another one.
One thing that has been on my mind recently is how little time we actually get to process the emotions that we are feeling because of how busy everyday life can get. Sometimes, it feels like the days are never-ending, and I never have time to mentally process them.
There are many reasons I could cite for feeling this way. The amount of student employment hours the Torch has received this year has really put a damper on our production process.
Not having the amount of hours to pay a full and fleshed-out news staff per week puts so much more pressure on the small staff that we do have. This, in turn, has made it feel like I am overworking my editors and reporters, who are all people I consider to be my closest of friends. I know it isn’t my fault, and I am doing everything that I can to help them, but it always feels like I’m never hitting the mark.
The abrupt ending of a five-year relationship has also been prying away at my mind as well. Despite it being almost two months since the relationship ended, I feel like I am finally starting to find the time to reflect and look back on memories she and I shared and realize that what once was is no longer there.
What is the common denominator of both of these issues? We have to adapt and move forward, no matter how hard it is.
I understand that this is no easy feat. It is easier said than done when it comes to dealing with the cruelty of the world, and sometimes it feels like we won’t be able to get back up after being knocked down.
With all of the time I spend running around trying to accomplish the work from classes and the Torch, it’s almost like I have had little to no time to process how much the heartbreak and being overworked have affected me over the last few months.
It is also that time of year when we college students are locked in more than ever. Especially if you are trying to graduate come springtime.
This has left me feeling more alone than ever. All of my friends are in a similar boat as well, which also feels like it is sinking because of their workload. The only time we really see each other is when we have to for work or for the occasional meal together.
Even then, it feels almost tense because it’s like we are all subconsciously thinking about the work we could be getting done, rather than enjoying our time together.
Sure, I used to enjoy being by myself, but the time I used to spend alone is now clouded with negative thoughts, constantly worrying I am not doing enough as a leader for the Torch, as a student, as a son and as an overall person.
Although I am making it sound like all doom and gloom, I remain hopeful. I know there will be better days ahead, even with how tough they have been now.
Recently, I was reflecting on a trip a few editors from the Torch took to New Orleans last November. Dylan, our former editor in chief, brought something to my attention while we were exploring the city. Something I completely forgot to consider: The streets where we were standing were once significantly submerged in water due to Hurricane Katrina.
I didn’t know it at the time, but he was working on his weekly editor’s column, and the focus was on the resilience of the human spirit, connecting it back to the city of New Orleans as an example of how, as difficult as it may seem, we have to move on and rebuild after tragedy strikes.
I am in no way undermining the events of Hurricane Katrina or disregarding the thousands of lives that were claimed, but as people and as communities, the only thing we really can do is pick up the pieces and continue to move on and rebuild wherever it is needed.
The same thing can be said when we experience hardship throughout our lives. I have learned so much about myself over these last few months after being in this unique position. I don’t think I would have had to build this sense of resilience or confidence if it weren’t for everything I have been through these last few months.
A meme comes to mind, also shared with me by Dylan, and was mentioned in his initial column. It is this insanely silly, yet insightful picture that shows a basketball player labeled as “the indifferent cruelty of the universe,” getting dunked on by a cat labeled “the indomitable human spirit.”
To some, this idea won’t resonate, but truly, it is all about thinking in perspective. The American Psychological Association has highlighted this as the number one key when it comes to developing healthy thoughts.
The other keys mentioned throughout this section of APA’s article stay true to that meme’s sentiment as well. Accepting change, maintaining a hopeful outlook and learning from your past are all the best ways to develop this healthy way of thinking.
It might take a lot of time, confusion, sadness, anger and sometimes hopelessness dealing with the adversity life throws at us. Just know, there is always a way to escape the what seems to be never-ending feedback loop of negative thinking.
Take it from someone still stumbling through adversity. Sometimes all we can do is make like the cat in that meme and posterize the universe’s indifferent cruelty. Because the human spirit isn’t graceful or perfect, it’s defiant.
And maybe that’s all resilience really is, choosing to rise even when it isn’t easy.