Every identifying bisexual eventually faces the dreaded three person question. If the person you’re speaking with is bold enough, you might even get a, “Can I watch?”
Imagine this: You recently started dating a new partner, and the conversation on sexual orientation comes up. You tell them that you are bisexual. Immediately, they start poking around on your comfortability with a three person sexual activity.
They tell you it’s okay if you want to kiss girls if they can watch. If that’s your cup of tea by all means, but these kinds of interactions always leave me bewildered.
Bisexual women have long been subjected to societal stereotypes that characterize them as hypersexual beings. We can see this in various forms of media, from the music industry to television and film. Women are often objectified and sexualized in the media for the pleasure of heterosexual men.
This can be seen in movies and television shows that depict bisexual women engaging in sexual acts with other women solely for the male viewer’s pleasure. This portrayal reduces bisexuality to a fetish and reinforces the idea that bisexual women exist solely for male sexual gratification.
People who identify as bisexual are generally seen as being bi-curious or confused. People think when you are bisexual you are either gay or straight with an unstable sexual orientation, but this is not the case.
You can be bisexual and like men and women with a split 50-50, or 60-40, maybe even 70-30. The idea around bisexuality is that you are attracted to both genders.
You could be bisexual with a preference, and there’s still a large possibility you will be sexualized. Reducing bisexuality to a fetish devalues people’s sexuality and puts them in a box. Being told you’re just curious because you have a boyfriend is very demeaning.
Ideas like this could be dangerous to bisexuals. According to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence study, 61% of bisexual women reported experiences of rape, stalking and or physical violence throughout their lives.
These ideas that sexualize bisexuals could potentially put them at risk for increased sexual violence.
I think a lot of identifying bisexuals feel excluded from the LGBT+ community because we can be very straight passing. It’s easy to feel left out when you don’t necessarily look the part.
Nonetheless, there’s no lack of acceptance and love within the LGBT+ community, but I think this exclusion plays a role in the discussion not being as open as it should.
Ultimately, the oversexualization of bisexuals is a problem and needs to be talked about more. Opening up the conversation about the realities of being over sexualized is a huge step.
Speak up when you’re uncomfortable, and don’t play into a fetish you’re not into. Know your boundaries, and never let yourself be put in a box.
You are the only person that walks in your shoes everyday. Be proud about your sexuality, and communicate to people when they make objective comments.