A little adventure

Moving to Texas for a summer internship may not have been the best idea for a fair-weather type of person, but it certainly was the best idea for getting outside of my comfort zone and gaining confidence.

For the internship required for my major, I ended up going to a law office in Texas. As my moving date approached, I was terrified. I was scared mainly of two things, Texas roads (and drivers) and living so far away from home. While I was going to live with my older brother, I was still going to be a thousand miles away from the home I knew. I made my choice, knowing that a little adventure would be good for me.

I have never been one to step out of my comfort zone. I prefer the safety of routines and what I know instead of new adventures, yet I found myself dreading another summer in Michigan, in a small town where I don’t know anybody except my parents. When my brother suggested that I do an internship down in Texas and live with him and his amazing wife, I was pretty much sold.

The drive down to Texas wasn’t too bad with two drivers, but since I had about a week and a half from when I got there to when my internship started, I was at home a lot. I was too scared to drive anywhere to entertain myself. When I did have some interviews for jobs, I still required a safety line: calling my mom if I crashed while trying to get over five lanes of traffic while about fifty feet in the air.

After about a month of Texas driving and avoiding highways as much as I could, I finally began to gain confidence. It wasn’t just in my driving, it was in my confidence overall. For my internship, I had to call courts pretty much all day, and as someone who hates phone calls, I certainly got used to it quickly.

Gaining confidence at my internship helped me grow so much as a person. When I started, I was terrified of doing anything wrong. I was there to learn, but I hated not knowing everything right off the bat. By the end, that fear of failure was replaced with an eagerness to learn more, something I wished I had started with.

I’ve always hated the talks at school about how important a growth mindset is. I hated being lectured that my anxiety and fixed mindset would likely never get me anywhere. Unfortunately, they may have had a slight point.

I realized that I can force myself to do so many of the things I’m scared of. Whether it was making the drive somewhere on the highways or driving hours down to another big city like Houston or Austin, I had to make myself. The result? Memories I’ll never forget.

I never would have gotten to experience so many new things, even something as trivial as trying sushi for the first time, if I hadn’t forced myself to make the drive or try a bite. I wouldn’t have gotten to experience downtown Austin, the caves we stopped at on the way or found new passions. Even on campus here, if we don’t push ourselves to do things, memories will never be made.

Sure, it wasn’t like I flipped a switch and, magically, all my anxiety went away, but I realized that I was the one holding myself back. Being away from most of my family and friends meant I needed to prove myself as a capable adult. I needed to be able to make those drives because no one else could do that for me. No one else made me visit the places that I wanted to go, and only I would regret not doing it.

The moments that stand out so clearly to me are also the moments where I failed. There was a bike meet that I desperately wanted to go to, but the idea of being somewhere with so many people I didn’t know was just too daunting. Luckily, my boyfriend drove to surprise me, and it wasn’t difficult to get him to go with me. While we were there, all I could think about was how I didn’t ‘fit in’.

Looking back, I’m not sure why I felt so strongly about wanting to fit in with a diverse group of people I didn’t know. I refused to force myself to socialize the whole time, and now I regret it.

Dwelling on the past is never productive, but acknowledging it certainly has helped me continue to grow. Looking back on the failures I had has helped me push through now when I’m anxious about pretty much anything. Letting fear hold me back is frustrating, but I know I have the ability, even if I wish I didn’t, to push through.

While back at Ferris, I fully intend to remember everything being away has taught me. While college is a place for learning, it is also where memories are made. I know this first week back is going to be the biggest test of my newfound ability to get out of my comfort zone, but I fully intend to continue to work on it, and for everyone else, I recommend you do.