During a family dinner in 2018, I came out as bisexual, and I am still trying to understand their reactions.
After discovering that my Uncle Dale was not my uncle but my uncle’s husband, I thought I had done everything I was supposed to do. I introduced all of my queer friends to my mom, and she never once said anything bad about their sexuality or identities. So, although I was scared to come out to my family, I didn’t feel unsafe.
Being bisexual wasn’t a question, but it got shut down quickly with a no. I was told since I had never spoken of liking a girl before, there was no way I was bisexual. I was told it was just a label that people used so they could say they were gay to follow a trend. That was my first introduction to the common misunderstandings about sexuality, especially bisexuality or pansexuality.
For years, I was frustrated, but I never tried to come out again to my family. I realized that I never needed to, I had already come out. Although I prefer the label queer now, I decided that I am not going to argue about my sexuality with people that aren’t myself. For a while, I had a lot of impostor syndrome, especially since I’ve been in a straight-presenting relationship for the past four years.
I am not writing this article because I feel like I owe the world an explanation for my sexuality. I decided to write this article because I want more people to understand and possibly help anyone who feels the same frustrations I’ve had for the past seven years.
Bisexuality means that the person who uses the label is attracted to both men and Women. Pansexuality means that someone is attracted to all genders. The two sexualities are often seen as the same thing, but it’s vital to know the difference between the two. Since I identify more with pansexuality these days, I have chosen to refer to myself as queer since it loops together both my sexuality and my gender identity.
Labeling yourself in any way isn’t easy. Although a label is never permanent, it’s still a huge thing to share with others about yourself. This is why having people around you who understand and support you is important.
This is why I feel so frustrated when bisexuality is referred to as a trend or a phase. I want to be taken seriously, especially because coming out is a big deal even today. It takes a lot of courage to tell those you love that you are queer because sometimes the relationships with those people can change.
Bisexuality is just as valid as gay and lesbian sexualities. We’ve come a long way as a society in being more accepting of gay individuals, but there is confusion revolving around sexualities such as bisexuality. The idea of liking multiple genders is still something people are getting used to. As more people are exposed to different sexualities and identities, more people start seeing themselves in these new terms.
However, more awareness has increased the number of queer-identifying people in recent years. This is the reason why more misunderstood labels are seen as a trend or something done just for attention. But at the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter if someone chooses to identify as queer, it should be respected because we’re all just trying to figure ourselves out one day at a time.
Sexuality isn’t something that anyone needs to prove or owe an explanation for. I’m lucky that, while I still don’t know my family’s opinions, I have an accepting family. I’m honestly happy that my family reacted the way they did because, without that, I don’t think I would’ve figured out how to be prideful of my sexuality and gender identity.