It finally hit me sometime this week, the realization that my time to enjoy the college experience is dwindling quicker and quicker each week.
It still feels like just yesterday I was moving into North Hall in Aug. 2021 and getting settled in Big Rapids, which would eventually become my new home. Oftentimes, I still feel like that same 18-year-old guy, not having a clue what he was doing at university or how he would survive on his own.
Here I am now, with my fifth and final year underway, and it still doesn’t feel like that much time has passed.
I’ve been battling the question lately: was chasing academic success worth the fun times I missed out on during the last four years?
College pushes us to constantly plan, optimize and prepare for the future, but in doing so, it often robs us of the present. As a senior, I’m realizing that the pressure to make the most of it can ironically leave you feeling like you never really did.
Students face expectations that often feel contradictory, like staying social and making time with friends, but also staying focused on assignments or projects. Some take it to another level: joining clubs, networking and trying to build a resume, which can make it extremely difficult to relax, have fun or make memories.
Rather than enjoying the time we have before starting a career, it feels like we’re already wrapped up in one, due to school and other extracurriculars.
Personally, I feel guilty for working too much. I also feel guilty for not working enough. There is this constant turmoil between enjoyment and achievement that feels never-ending.
Even here, at the Torch, I can relate to that. It always feels like there is something I could or should be doing.
Don’t get me wrong, I love this so much. I worked so hard to get where I am today with this paper because I care so much about it. I just never thought I would see the day when the job I once dreamed of having is now keeping me up at night with dreams of missed deadlines and errors in the latest edition.
This doesn’t even include the current load of courses I have, where projects and tests continue to pile up. Even having fun with friends feels like it is such a chore. Scheduling an outing with friends in advance becomes like some corporate group chat, trying to decide the best time to hold a weekly meeting.
Of course, I understand everyone has their own schedules, with crazy busy days and times when we want to relax with friends, but everyone operating on their own time makes it hard to enjoy these moments with the people you care about.
A question I have been trying to ask myself recently is, ‘Are you really enjoying this, or just trying to check something off the college memory box?’ I feel like this has helped me regulate and manage my time more while trying to graduate, yet still have a fun senior year.
As I move through this final year, I’ve been trying to accept that I may never find the perfect balance between productivity and presence.
Maybe that’s not the point. Maybe it’s less about squeezing every last drop out of college and more about being present for the little moments, the ones that don’t go in a scrapbook but live in late-night conversations, spontaneous hangouts and inside jokes no one else will ever understand.
I used to think the college experience was something I had to chase, kind of like a checklist I needed to complete before I walked across that stage. But now, I think it’s less about the moments you plan for and more about the ones that sneak up on you.
I won’t pretend I’ve done everything right. I know I’ve missed out on things, traded memories for deadlines and made compromises that still leave me wondering ‘what if.’ But I’ve also learned what I care about, what I’m capable of and what kind of person I want to be beyond this campus.