As a young adult myself and part of Generation Z, I find it extremely difficult to maintain friendships as an adult.
Amongst other young adults who have similar experiences, this is a real issue that needs attention. Though this issue can apply to all adults, this age group specifically is a majority of the new and upcoming adults.
I think people nowadays don’t know the true meaning of friendship or how to be a good friend; they look at friendship as a chore or something to only gain benefits from.
What I noticed amongst my age group is that most people only want to be your friend when it is convenient for them or when they gain something from the friendship, for example, a ride, a free trip somewhere or a free dinner.
My point is people don’t see the value in having a friendship anymore. Someone to count on and be there in your darkest time of need.
When I think of friendship, I think of the song “Count on Me,” by Bruno Mars. When I was in elementary school, maybe 1st grade, our teacher would have us stand next to someone we didn’t know and sing this song with them and we would all hold hands and smile as we stood in a circle.
Those are the times I miss, when people had nothing to gain from being your friend except for just enjoying your company.
When did we as a society say friendship is dead?
I find it very sad that there is such a lack of kindness and empathy when it comes to friendships. Typically, you have two different types of friends: friend A, who is always there for you no matter what. Always devoted and willing to hang out, initiates conversation and hangouts. Simply the friend that shows up in every way possible, mentally, emotionally and physically.
This doesn’t mean they are perfect, but they try their best to be the friend you need.
Then you have friend B.
They don’t initiate hangouts, they don’t answer the phone, they don’t show up mentally, emotionally or physically. Except for when they need a ride, or you offer to pay for something or it’s convenient for them.
For the people who relate to friend A, if you want better friends, I advise you to gain stronger boundaries and refuse to put up with the behavior from someone like friend B.
If you relate to friend B, I advise you to reflect on your expectations and ideas on friendship and ask yourself: Are you a good friend?
My next point would be accountability. Before social media, people were held accountable and called out publicly for inappropriate behavior. It feels like in today’s society, people can say whatever they want and do whatever they want and still be accepted.
I think we as a society need to bring back shame and the idea of accountability.
Peer pressure is one of the most powerful tools, especially during adolescence and early adulthood. If you hold your friends accountable as a group, behavior will change. What I am not saying is bully the individual or cut them loose but just simply saying “that wasn’t cool” is enough, believe it or not.
Our brains are wired to want social connection and approval from people who matter in our lives.
This is why social media is so popular because it is based on likes or views and people associate attention and popularity with self-worth.
A question I pose to everyone who uses social media is how many people who like your posts know you personally? What are you willing to do for validation to gain attention from people you don’t know?
To put it plainly and simply, social media ruined relationships. Overall, it has been putting false expectations in our heads, causing us to seek other people’s opinions on matters without knowing their background or qualifications. Social media is educating our youth that the only things valuable in life are materialistic.
It has erased the power of unity and positivity. If we all stopped giving attention to social media, it wouldn’t be a thing. If we all started being kinder to one another, we would see change and community again.