Mothers in the modern world are expected to carry way too much, as there is this pressure on women to be great at everything they do, especially once they become mothers.
This is a burden I am becoming all too familiar with. There is an expectation that you should go from what, for most women, is the biggest change of their lives, back to normal in a matter of months.
Just a month after my son was born, I had to go back to work. This had nothing to do with my employers. They would have given me as much time as I needed. It’s simply not possible anymore to live on and especially raise a family on one income.
This is just one part of the burden women are forced to bear. If we were provided with adequate maternity leave, women wouldn’t be forced to make nearly impossible choices when it comes to their children.
Additionally, social media plays a huge role in this expectation. There is a silent competition between women, oftentimes, even if it’s accidental. I believe that a lot of times, women are simply trying to make it look like they are doing enough. I’ve felt the pressure as well, but I almost never post on social media about what is going on in my life anymore, aside from the occasional cute photos of my baby. There is too much pressure to do everything.
Last semester, I finished classes while working two jobs, caring for a newborn, managing a household and navigating the biggest change of my life. Even with the help of friends and family, it was exhausting. That’s the reality of a lot of new moms and some don’t have any help at all.
There is a societal expectation that women should be able to handle everything. Many years ago, when it was possible to live on one income, men often went to work while women stayed home to care for the children and maintain the house.
Today, there are many more women in the workforce, but they’re still expected to keep up with the same responsibilities at home. Women often have the responsibility of working, handling all of the cleaning and everything to do with the children as well.
Functioning on very little sleep makes the problem that much more intense. It is exhausting, to say the least. Despite how tiring it is, I love my life. I wouldn’t trade my family for the world. However, sometimes I wish it were a bit easier.
This might sound ridiculous to some people, but being a mom is super easy. It’s everything else that’s hard. My son is the light of my life. If I could spend every day playing with him and caring for him without having to worry about literally anything else, it wouldn’t feel so exhausting.
Obviously, that is unrealistic. There will always be other responsibilities. From maintaining a social life to taking care of our home, I will always stay busy. That’s not the point, though. Even if one less responsibility fell on my shoulders, it would really lighten the load.
The hardest part is, this isn’t a reflection of me not doing enough, or even anyone around me. This is a systemic issue. We need better maternity leave if we are going to raise happy, healthy families that have happy, healthy mothers.
I think that there is something that we can do immediately and daily, though. We can refuse to stop playing into the idea that women should be doing everything. It is wonderful to be proud of your accomplishments and want to share them with the world. However, I think it is important to be mindful of when it starts to feel like a competition.
That said, motherhood is the most transformative and joyful experience I have had. Some days are beyond exhausting, but watching my son grow and change constantly and seeing my husband be such an amazing dad brings me so much joy.
If you are in the same position someday where it feels like way too much is falling on your shoulders, take a deep breath and remember that you are doing enough. You’re not failing, and you’re not lazy. You’re living somewhere where the system actively works against you.