Somewhere, current and former Torch staff members are rolling their eyes. Yes, I got my chance to write Modern Love, and I’m going to write it about how to not be nervous around the person to which you’re attracted.
It’s a surprisingly common trait, common enough that even people like me suffer from it quite often. I don’t profess to be an expert in “how to get your crush to like you back,” but I am well practiced in just opening my mouth and saying the words “Can I buy you dinner sometime?”
Shockingly, that gets shut down all the time. But really, what damage has been done when you get rejected?
A lot of poor self image happens when a person takes external opinions of them too seriously.
You could feel awkward and ashamed for awhile, but where has that ever gotten anyone?
I’ve been criticized for it plenty of times, but I just keep trucking. The person said no, I move on as soon as the word “No,” has been uttered.
My grandfather used to tell me “Why waste your time caring about what other people think about you?”
And I don’t.
I roll my windows down and sing “Blank Space,” at the top of my lungs, I dance every time I hear Uptown Funk and my favorite country song is “Save a Horse,” by Big and Rich. My favorite movie is Sleepless in Seattle and yes, I have cried watching it.
The people around you do stupid and hilarious things every day. The person you have a crush on probably has a bevy of embarrassing background, like most of us do.
So do you really care what these people who drink until they piss themselves and have fallen out of the shower while singing really think?
When they reject you, do what I do: think about all the dumb stuff that person has probably done and laugh it off.
For me, dating got hard when asking someone to dinner became too old fashioned. I’m not hip, or as the kids say “on the fleek.”
I was taught to hold the door open for a lady, I was taught table manners (a simply baffling concept which many people I know don’t seem to understand), and I was taught to take the check after dinner. Sue me; that’s what I was taught to do, so I do it.
It’s not for everyone. I’ve had people I hold in high regard tell me while it’s nice, it’s not for them. The right person for me will want that stuff.
On that note, even the right person might not want to settle down right then. Patience is key here.
Most importantly, every once in awhile, someone is going to say yes. That’s how I find solace in the mass of rejection.
To refer back to my sports writing days with an analogy, you might go awhile without a goal, but you never know when a puck is going to land on your stick in game seven of the finals with a wide open net.