A bite into crime

Brutus under investigation over missing students

The Department of Public Safety is actively investigating Brutus the Bulldog in relation to the disappearences of Ferris students around the oddly frequented “party” spot called “the Lines.”

One unnamed criminal justice freshman, who begged the officer not to write him up for underage drinking because his dad would “kill him,” alleged that he and other “totally not drunk” students saw a “dog-like” figure lurking around the area around the time of the disappearances. DPS found paw-prints in the mud, alongside 13 vapes, three iPhones and six student IDs at the Lines.

Brutus, who was apprehended with excessive force, is currently being interrogated by DPS officers. According to DPS director Abe Haroon, the questioning is “going poorly” due to Brutus only being able to gesture with his “grubby, little paws” and with how Brutus stares blankly with a “toothy, dumbass grin.”

The Tire Fire’s true crime podcast (hosted by know-it-all college journalists who watched “Unsolved Mysteries” on Netflix once) believes that Brutus is not the dog behind the crime. The podcast alleges (with solely circumstantial evidence collected by arm-chair detectives) that Rufus, Brutus’ cousin, is behind the disappearances. His motive? The podcasters didn’t really know. To them, it “just made sense.”