Ferris students are being advised not to walk on campus sidewalks as they become the primary path for university vehicles. In a university announcement, Ferris has advised students to find […]
Tire Fire
SATIRE: Dawn of a new draft
High school graduates are still choosing to attend college, but they’re not choosing to attend Ferris. This frightening drop in enrollment has prompted the Office of Admissions to raise an […]
SATIRE: The truth is in there
Everything changed in December 2018. Ferris switched email servers from Google to Microsoft. Board members stated the switch was due to pricing and availability of Office software. Is that really […]
Tire Fire Confessions
Honestly, fuck birds! Like, what are they for? They don’t do anything. They just strut around doing that weird head thing all the time. And when they’re not doing that, […]
Make underage football viewing illegal
The question of whether or not youth football should continue to be allowed to stick around has resulted in constant debate. However, this issue has been surpassed by a more […]
Twitter tirade
The Ferris decision to switch from Gmail to Outlook drew an irate reaction from Ferris Student Government President Preston Wimberly, who in a shocking turn of events has taken to […]
SATIRE: Horror-scopes
Aquarius: Jan. 20-Feb. 18 The stars are a strong advocate for cake. “Summer bodies” can wait. Pisces: Feb. 19-March 20 You’ll use hashtags thinking it’s still cool, only to remember […]
SATIRE: Eisler 2020
Ferris President Dr. David Eisler has announced his candidacy to run for U.S. president in the 2020 election. Dr. Eisler, whose doctorate degree is in Clarinet Performance, has been the […]
SATIRE: Beautiful sound
CORRECTION: The name of a source has since been changed. — Music Takes Action might sound a little different this year as headliner Jesse McCartney commands the stage. According to […]
SATIRE: The salient truth
The Ferris Physical Plant (EffPeePee), in conjunction with the Chemical Plant and the Emerald Hill Zone, recently released a university-wide memo detailing the overall salt use on Ferris sidewalks, parking […]