“What is there for me to do in my free time?” -Bored Brendon You should’ve known when you showed up for orientation what there’s absolutely nothing to do in your […]
Tire Fire
SATIRE: Horror-scopes
Aquarius: Jan. 20-Feb. 18 The first month of classes are over, you can break up with your high school boyfriend now. Pisces: Feb. 19-March 20 According to that DNA test […]
SATIRE: A suspicious statue
Walk onto the quad, and you’ll see a statue of Woodbridge Ferris, the dude so uptight that he can’t just have an entire university named after himself. No, he has […]
SATIRE: Dude where’s my car?
In an unfortunate Friday the 13th incident, a male student lost a whole ass vehicle.
SATIRE: Off the record
Should’ve been a business major: Sept. 3, 11:01 p.m., a first year pharmacy student was complaining about having to study already for their first exam only two weeks into the […]
SATIRE: Sidewalk’s side bitch
Ferris students are being advised not to walk on campus sidewalks as they become the primary path for university vehicles. In a university announcement, Ferris has advised students to find […]
SATIRE: Dawn of a new draft
High school graduates are still choosing to attend college, but they’re not choosing to attend Ferris. This frightening drop in enrollment has prompted the Office of Admissions to raise an […]
SATIRE: The truth is in there
Everything changed in December 2018. Ferris switched email servers from Google to Microsoft. Board members stated the switch was due to pricing and availability of Office software. Is that really […]
Tire Fire Confessions
Honestly, fuck birds! Like, what are they for? They don’t do anything. They just strut around doing that weird head thing all the time. And when they’re not doing that, […]
Make underage football viewing illegal
The question of whether or not youth football should continue to be allowed to stick around has resulted in constant debate. However, this issue has been surpassed by a more […]
