Ferris students are under a lockdown by the Department of Public Safety following the recent sightings of vampires around the David L. Eisler Center two weeks before Halloween.
Journalism major Emeighleigh Walters, however, is skeptical of the vampire sightings, calling them “illogical.” “The sun just isn’t out,” Walters said. “Some people are just really pale.”
Walters isn’t the only student with suspicions. An anonymous pale student thinks that the “aura of Ferris” is the culprit. “I think the funding cuts to everything just sucks the life out of people, not vampires.”
Witnesses have claimed to see overly pale students walking around campus with “really sharp” canines, some even claiming to have seen these vampires with mouths covered in blood, especially after walking out of the Quad Cafe.
DPS says that there is a “real concern” following these sightings. “We don’t like the amount of blood. It takes us way too long to clean up; we could be ticketing people right now.”
Torch editor-in-chief Blasé Gapinski was supposed to write the article, but has since gone missing following reports that he was bitten near the Torch office. The unworking security cameras on campus, unfortunately, didn’t pick up the incident or the culprit.
“It’s really sad,” Walters said. “But again, this could just be Jackie without bronzer on.”
DPS is investigating the disappearance, but doesn’t have many leads. These vampire sightings are recurrent, usually happening in the fall semester around midterms and in December before exam week. They fully expect Gapinski to be returned unharmed and without neck pain.
Allegations were made in previous years about the Ferris State Torch members being vampires, an allegation that has absolutely no merit whatsoever. “It just doesn’t make sense,” sports editor Yeslan Matthews said. “I mean, Blasé went missing, so he obviously wasn’t already a vampire. I’m certainly not, either.”
Other members of the current Torch staff were unavailable for comment.
DPS is encouraging students to carry garlic salt with them at all times and wear thick scarves to protect from the biting cold and the biting vampires on campus.