Aquarius: Beware! This Halloween, you will run into your doppelganger. Don’t worry, this will definitely not upset the balance of the universe… it will just cause an existential crisis when you realize the doppleganger is you and not them.
Pisces: Bloody Mary may not be real, but the spirit of Woodbridge sure is, and he’s not happy you skipped class last week. It may be time to get that attendance up or start running.
Aries: Yes, you should absolutely sneak into that cemetery! Just be sure to leave the spirits an offering, or they might take your living body as an offering instead.
Taurus: You’re not fooling anyone with that costume…we know who you really are, Count Dracula.
Gemini: The stars say that joining the Torch is your destiny. Welcome to the team! You have three articles due this Friday by 5 p.m.
Cancer: Do you know the question, “Would you still love me if I were a worm?” Yeah, you should’ve been more specific because the universe loved that question so much they plan to turn you into a gummy worm on Halloween. Yikes! Look out for the feral sugar-driven kids trick-or-treating out on the streets.
Leo: This year, be sure not to lie to yourself; you wouldn’t survive your favorite horror movie, you would definitely be the first to die.
Virgo: Let’s hope you have enough treats to balance out all your tricks! Not to worry you, but the stars are always watching, and they know what you did last Halloween.
Libra: Listen, Halloween is literally yours! Embrace it and wear that trademarked “Sexy Brutus” costume on sale at Ferris Outfitters.
Scorpio: Lucky you, your clown Halloween costume is already ready to go! It’s time to stop clowning, you’re not passing that chem class and you should definitely drop with a ‘W’ while you’re still ahead.
Sagittarius: You should know your family’s Halloween decorations are ethically sourced…don’t you ever wonder what happened to Jim next door?
Capricorn: We’re not saying the Lorax costume is overhyped, we’re just saying you might want to go as one of the little bears instead.