Ferris State has decided that the hockey team has brought in enough money for the university that they should give back to the players.
Administrators have concluded that they will build a dormitory strictly for the hockey team. The goal is to give the players room to study, relax and enjoy their experience at Ferris State to its fullest.
The plan is to build the complex where parking lots 20, 23, 47, and 48 currently are, just outside of Ewigleben Sports Complex, where the Bulldogs play hockey.
“From what we hear from our students, they have plenty of parking. Almost too much, actually,” said Bob Roberts, the Head of the Decision-Making Department at Ferris State.
Hockey players will each have their own rooms, with a guest bedroom, a living area and two bathrooms with a jacuzzi in each. A 24-hour personal chef, server, security and a chauffeur will also be assigned to each player to ensure a comfortable living environment. Multiple door attendants and receptionists will be available in the lobby, as well as a bellhop if needed.
The players are obviously excited.
“Bro, I’m gonna get to skate around with my flow bros on the weekends while we’re saucin’ passes and beatin’ asses. Then, during the week, I get to chill with my boys until practice, which is pretty sick cause the ice is right next door. I can’t really think of anything better than that, my man,” said one player.
The seniors on the team are disappointed that they’’ll be missing out on the new addition.
“Honestly, I’m debating breaking my own leg so that I can try to get a medical redshirt and stay one more season just for the jacuzzi,” said one player.
The university did not give an exact figure for how much the project will cost but one administrator said, “Well when you add it all up in brass tax, it’s gonna cost us, uhhh, well a shit ton of money.”
“We’re also trying to stimulate the local economy, ya know, create jobs,” said Roberts, “Gotta hire people to plan, to build and to work at the place when it’s all finished up.”
Roberts said that employment services will be taking applications for these positions starting at the end February.
Construction is planned to start at 4 p.m. on Tuesday, March 1, and there is no immediate time frame for when the project will be completed.