SATIRE: “Easter break”

While most people packed their bags and happily headed home for the mid-semester recess to see family and friends, not everybody was wholly satisfied with some of the specifics involved.

Although Ferris has recently implemented a new diversity and inclusion plan in an effort to make sure students from all walks of life feel comfortable at the university, some people just aren’t ready for change.

“I just don’t understand why we can’t call it Easter break anymore,” said chemistry freshman Jonah Abraham. “Most of the students are white Christians, right?”

Some students argue that the Christians are just the best at making themselves known though, not necessarily the most prominent group.

“I get handed a pocket Bible pretty much every day on my way to class,” said graphic design junior Randall Sutchert. “I tried explaining that I’m an atheist, but they keep telling me to read it anyway.”

Amanda Baylon is the head of Real Life, a Christian organization on campus. She also commented on the issue of abortion, quickly changing the topic from what was actually being discussed.

“What if somebody aborts the next Jesus?” said Babylon. “Nobody should be able to make decisions about their bodies if it could mean none of us being saved.”

Abraham thinks there is just a lack of knowledge about the Christian religion among the student body.

“I think everybody should be required to read the Bible, too,” said Abraham. “Then they’re more thankful and have an understanding of why they’re being given time off school.”

Real Life will be hosting a workshop on March 31 in room 202A of the University Center, celebrating Women’s History Month by teaching women how to be more godly for their husbands by raising children and not challenging his authority.

The event will take place at 7 p.m. and students are encouraged to bring their Bibles, but if you don’t have one, a New Testament pocket Bible will be provided for you.