SATIRE: Terror and destruction

Ferris hockey earns first win of the season, ensuing celebration turns violent immediately

Ferris hockey is 1-6 and the Big Rapids campus is in shambles as a result.

After pulling out a narrow 3-2 shootout victory over Northern Michigan Saturday, Oct. 22, Ferris fans poured into the streets to celebrate their team’s first win of the season in the most destructive manner imaginable.

Cars were flipped, glass was broken and structures were set ablaze as the Ferris faithful rampaged through the area late into the night.

“As soon as that final buzzer rang out we were all going nuts. It was such an exciting game that there really shouldn’t be any surprise that we burned down the IRC,” said Ferris english senior and longtime Bulldog fan Trevor Chompus. “We’re all just really psyched that the team is back on the right track.”

Other buildings caught in the wake of destruction were the Business Building, half of Physical Plant and Taggart Hall.

“Taggart has actually been scheduled for demolition for a while, so this is really convenient for us. Sure, we have millions of dollars worth of damage to repair but this is really a silver lining. Plus the hockey team finally won, so it’s tough to see a downside to this,” said vice president for administration and finance Jerry Scoby.

The Bulldogs will be looking to build on their first win of the season and according to some players, they will be using the carnage induced by their fans as inspiration going forward.

“We have the best fans in college hockey,” said Ferris sophomore forward Corey Mackin. “They come out every week to cheer us on and this is just above and beyond. You could really tell how passionate they were when they were standing up to the riot police officers’ batons and tear gas.”

The Bulldogs will embark on a long road trip over the coming weeks as they travel to Minnesota State, Bowling Green State and Michigan State before returning home to play the Spartans Saturday, Nov. 12.

This is good news, as Ewigleben Arena is still a pile of rubble in the wake of the celebratory riot and will take a few weeks to rebuild.