SATIRE: What do your dreams mean?

Tire Fire sleep experts weigh in on the hidden meanings behind most common dreams

Falling off of a Cliff – Your grades are falling. Your self-esteem is falling. This is why you DREAM of falling. The only way to stop the downward cycle is to use a parachute or to go splat. That is, either freebase some Adderall or drop out.

Naked in Public – This can only mean one thing: you definitely WANT to be naked in public. At least, there’s a chance that’s the meaning. I guess there’s only one way to find out… Drop those pants!

Running from a Serial Killer – You actually survived an extremely traumatic attack by a serial killer. Your mother never told you, but you spent the summer after fourth grade at Camp Crystal Lake. Have you ever wondered why you also have a crippling fear of vintage goalie masks and machetes?

Waking up on a deserted island – You’re feeling super isolated because none of your family, friends or friends with benefits have called or texted lately. Hell, you’d even settle for some attention from the smelly guy behind you in your lecture hall. I guess you can always throw yourself into social media to live vicariously through others, am I right?