Ferris has launched a fundraising campaign to squeeze every last penny out of its current students and recent graduates in hopes of reaching $80 million in donations.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my university but you know what else I love? Being able to afford food,” Ferris marketing junior Kate McCarthon. “How is Ferris just going to casually spam me with emails asking for donations when I’m already on the wrong end of $36,000 in student loans?”
The Ferris Foundation’s Now & Always Campaign was launched in grand fashion on Friday, Nov. 10, with a launch party offering food, a keynote speaker and a $250 ticket price.
An invitation to the launch party was sent out via mass email to the entire Ferris community, including all current students crippled by tuition costs.
“I’m not about to sacrifice half a month’s rent to go rub elbows with a bunch of rich snobs,” McCarthon said. “Someone needs to tell these people that the campaign isn’t helping students if current students are the ones giving the donations.”
Representatives of the Ferris Foundation were surprised to find that students didn’t appreciate being bombarded with demands for cash handouts.
“Don’t these people understand that we’re doing this for them? Don’t they appreciate our efforts? Won’t they give us their money?” Ferris Foundation President Marcus Merkin said. “I mean, we’re accepting any amount, be it $1,000, $20,000 or your first born child. Any amount helps our campaign.”
At press time, the Ferris Foundation was drawing up plans to hold students’ transcripts for ransom until a donation is made.
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