SATIRE: Tougher than ever

Most difficult part of organic chemistry exam proves to be trek to the classroom

Ferris organic chemistry students faced the most difficult exam of the school year Wednesday, Dec. 13, but it had little to do with .

“I studied for days. Just mind numbing repetition with reaction mechanisms over and over. I wept. I bled. I stared into the black abyss and it looked back,” Ferris biochemistry sophomore Brent Michelis said. “But none of that even mattered because I don’t have a full dogsledding team to get to class.”

The 300-level chemistry course generally ranks as one of the tougher final exams Ferris has to offer, but requiring students to traverse the ceaseless blizzard and mounting inches of accumulated snow added a whole new element of difficulty.

“I set out from my dorm room before first light. After all the misery orgo has put me through this semester, there was no way I was missing this final and failing the class,” Michelis said. “I finally made it there, but lost all of my fingers to frostbite on the way to the Science Building so I totally failed.”

At press time, a small group of disoriented CHEM.321 students were found huddled in a makeshift igloo muttering about stereoisomers as they attempted in vain to treat their hypothermia.