SATIRE: Dispelling stereotypes surrounding common Ferris majors

1. Pre-pharmacy majors 

Pre-pharmacy majors aren’t actually geniuses. They just memorize five complicated-sounding words in their first semester of organic chemistry and repeat them over and over again to sound smart. They’re just as hopelessly lost in lecture as everybody else. 

2. English majors 

English majors can’t actually quote Shakespeare at will. They just assemble their own random, nonsensical string of old-timey words and say them in iambic pentameter in a desperate plea for attention. 

3. Computer information systems majors 

They teach you one thing on the first day of class as a computer information systems major—the internet is only good for two things: porn and MMORPGs. So that’s what they spend the rest of their time as undergraduates perusing, which means they can’t actually fix your laptop.

4. Music industry management majors 

Look, just because they love sitting around listening to music enough to devote thousands of dollars and four years of education towards a major that definitely won’t land them a real job doesn’t mean that they all just smoke weed. They’re on acid too. 

5. Journalism majors 

These scumbags think they’re so cool with their notepads and tape recorders and lousy campus newspaper. I hate them all. #FakeNews

6. Business administration majors 

There are actually a couple of students in this major that wouldn’t be willing to stomp on a sick puppy in order to get an edge over their peers. Go figure. 

7. Professional tennis management majors 

They also don’t understand why normal shoes are called “tennis shoes.” Seriously, what’s the deal with that? 

8. History majors 

Despite what you may have heard about history majors never being able to find lasting careers after graduation, that stereotype is totally false. In fact, history majors are among the most well prepared for a life of peddling beauty products to their friends on social media as part of an obvious pyramid scheme.

9. Forensic biology majors 

Amazingly, these students actually do practice the same types of techniques you see on popular TV dramas like NCIS and Criminal Minds. Of course, none of them are nearly as hot as their Hollywood counterparts. 

10. Graphic design majors 

These people are so wonderfully artistic and create such incredible designs that they must have beautiful minds and be so interesting to talk to! Wait, no. It’s the opposite of that. You know what’s really freaking annoying to hear about for ten hours straight? Fonts. That’s what graphic design students live for. 

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