SATIRE: Tire Fire Confessions

I don’t know who Eisler is, and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask.

I’m not sure if he’s some sort of celebrity, or a professor, or like a dog? Everyone hates him so much but I don’t understand why.

No one ever gives a reason, they just continue ranting and raving about how awful he is I’m just a freshman so I know I’m not supposed to know everything, but I really don’t understand and college is so hard. I miss my mom, why did I ever move out? I’m not ready to be an adult, I can’t take care of myself. I can’t even keep cacti alive!

I’m just going to die here alone in my dorm room because I’m helpless. I’m a baby bird who has fallen out of the nest and I’m going to get eaten by something bigger than me, I can feel it. I knew my mom was right when she told me to stay at home and go to community college, but I didn’t listen, and here I am, eighteen years old, alone in this world, and I don’t even know who this Eisler guy is!!

I really should call my mom and see if she knows. Maybe he’s famous from when she was my age. God I miss my mom, maybe I should go home. I’m business admin, I can study that back at GTSGVCC. Then I won’t have to eat at the Quad anymore, I can just have my mom make me grilled cheese like she did when I lived at home……

I’m going to the business office to withdraw from the university.