Aquarius: Jan. 20-Feb. 18
The first month of classes are over, you can break up with your high school boyfriend now.
Pisces: Feb. 19-March 20
According to that DNA test you took, you are only 3% that bitch.
Taurus: April 20-May 20
Drinking White Claws is not a personality trait.
Aries: March 21-April 19
A project that you think will take five seconds will turn into five hours… Good luck with that.
Gemini: May 21-June 20
Be careful when “throwing that ass back.” Having to wear a back brace is no joke.
Cancer: June 21-July 22
Your dreams will finally come true and you’ll get hit by the campus shuttle.
Leo: July 23-Aug. 22
You’re basically a clown so you might as well transfer to clown college.
Virgo: Aug. 23-Sept. 22
Having 47 followers on your Spotify playlist doesn’t make you a DJ.
Libra: Sept. 23-Oct.22
Now is the perfect time to drop out of all of your classes and ghost your roommate.
Scorpio: Oct. 23-Nov. 21
You’ll download Tik Tok as a joke and end up with an addiction problem and 300,000 followers.
Sagittarius: Nov. 22-Dec. 21
Wait, you paid your rent at Campus Creek on time? Let’s charge you $3,000 in fees anyways.
Capricorn: Dec. 22-Jan.19
You have to stop saying “aight imma head out” every time something minor inconvenience happens to you.