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Tire Fire

SATIRE: In memoriam

Tire Fire December 3, 2018December 3, 2018 Torch Staff 0 Comments

Marley – Clever Girl 1996 – 2018 At approximately 1 a.m. Saturday, Nov. 24, Marley, 22, died in a hit-and-run vehicular accident in front of Star Shooters in Big Rapids. […]

SATIRE: Intoxication Station

Tire Fire December 2, 2018 Torch Staff 0 Comments

It’s that time of the year again, folks: the weather is starting to change and the warmth of weather starts to fade away. Sidewalks start to get icy and everyone […]

SATIRE: The morning after

Tire Fire December 1, 2018 Torch Staff 0 Comments

As Thanksgiving 2018 comes to a close, Ferris nutrition junior Ashley Winterbottom is feeling the after-effects of a holiday well done. “I have a love-hate relationship with Thanksgiving,” Winterbottom said. […]

SATIRE: Horror-scopes

Tire Fire November 30, 2018 Torch Staff 0 Comments

Aries: March 21-April 19 Your professor will say there’s no final but make you come to class anyway Taurus: April 20-May 20 Your signicant other may find your filthy ways […]

SATIRE: Harrowing Holidays

Tire Fire November 29, 2018 Torch Staff 0 Comments

With the rapid succession of “family holidays” – Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year, etc. – some young people dread going home because their family interrogates the hell out of them. […]

SATIRE: PlentyofCoke

Tire Fire November 29, 2018 Torch Staff 0 Comments

Following the passage of Proposal 1, the legalization of recreational marijuana, Michiganders are starting to get creative with their methods of obtaining that “good kush”. The “Gas 2 Grass” app […]

SATIRE: Off the record

Tire Fire November 1, 2018November 1, 2018 Torch Staff 0 Comments

Test Torture Oct. 27, 3:14 p.m., A finance professor schedules a test on Halloween like a fucking monster. Why are you like this? Who hurt you?? RIP Pike’s table Oct. […]

SATIRE: Interview with a zombie

Tire Fire October 31, 2018 Torch Staff 0 Comments

Q: So, tell me a little bit about yourself. A: Well first off, I’m fucking dead, if you haven’t noticed. My name is St. Jimmy, but you can call Brain […]

SATIRE: Horror-scopes

Tire Fire October 2, 2018October 9, 2018 Torch Staff 0 Comments

Aries: March 21-April 19 Someone will take your unassigned seat in class like some kind of psychopath. Taurus: April 20-May 20 Your commuter pass was a waste of $100. You’ll […]

SATIRE: BREAKING: PRESIDENT EISLER GONE MISSING

Tire Fire October 2, 2018 Torch Staff 0 Comments

After canceling nearly all of his public appearances this semester, many students and faculty are wondering why President David Eisler was MIA. But all the evidence from anonymous sources points […]

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