Ferris’ Department of Public Safety was prepared this year as Mary Jane came knocking on their doorsteps in grand fashion. Officers were armed with stacks of ammo as they […]
Tire Fire
SATIRE: Exposed female shoulders distracting male students in class
As the temperature rises, male attentiveness in class has plummeted as a result of exposed female shoulders and ankles. “There’s this girl named Stacy who sits in the front row of my physics class,” said […]
Democracy to oligarchy?
Federal Bureau of Investigations Director James Comey has announced he’ll be investigating more widely the depth and breadth of Russian influence on elections. The FBI has named Ferris State’s student […]
SATIRE: Horror-scopes
Aries: March 21-April 19 You’ll be on the receiving end of some March Madness when a deranged convict escapes from prison and makes your skin into a lampshade, but worse […]
SATIRE: Ask Woodbridge
“I’m a junior hoping to graduate next year, but I’m having trouble pinning down an internship relevant to my field, which is required for my degree. Do you have any […]
SATIRE: “Weed isn’t even addictive”
Smoking marijuana is not harmful, nor is it addictive, says one Ferris student clearly addicted to the drug which has clearly affected his life. “There’s absolutely no reason not to […]
SATIRE: What the cluck?
Clucky the rabid chicken is loose on campus due to an early April Fool’s Day prank backfire. Friday night, March 24, DPS received a call from two students who claimed […]
SATIRE: How to build the perfect Tinder profile
1. Make sure that all of your photos include several other people so that potential hookups have no idea that you’re the ugly one. The hotter your surrounding cast it, […]
SATIRE: Ask Woodbridge
“I’m considering changing my major to PGM but I’m not sure if it’s the right things to do. I love golf and I’m good enough to make a career out […]