Look, we get it. Maybe you’re trying to recapture lost youth. Maybe you never went away to college. Maybe you just really want to look like every facet of your […]
Posts by Torch Staff
SATIRE: Screaming vulgarities
If you can’t say anything nice you should scream it relentlessly until you get your way, according to one Ferris football fan. A six-yard gain was negated for the Bulldogs […]
SATIRE: Traffic tickets up 1,000 percent
Between rolling through stop signs, running bicyclists off the road and unnecessary honking at 3 a.m., students were baffled when Ferris’ Department of Public Safety decided to crack down on […]
SATIRE: Naked and afraid
A young man was found unconscious on main campus early morning on Oct. 21. The nude student was identified as Ferris biology junior Peter Dodgenson. Dodgenson was found unconscious by […]
SATIRE: Off the Record
Midterm blues Oct. 17, 2 p.m., a Ferris English professor promised her students there wouldn’t be a midterm exam only to assign a 10-page essay in its place. OK, fuck […]
SATIRE: Reduce, reuse, reincarnation
An effort to reduce plastic water bottle use on campus has people screaming “H2-oh no.” Ferris began installing refillable water stations in buildings all over campus in 2012 in hopes […]
SATIRE: Ask Woodbridge
“With Halloween coming up, how do I wear my slutty nurse costume without judgement?” – Slutty Sofia Halloween is the one time of year that people can dress in slutty […]
PHOTO GALLERY: This week in sports
Click photos to enlarge. Hockey Ferris hockey suffered through two losses to Northern Michigan this weekend despite barraging the Wildcats’ goaltender with 77 shots on goal through the two games. The […]
SATIRE: Purpose of Ferris Science Complex Chiller Plant uncovered
Anyone who has ever wandered past Ferris’ Science Complex Chiller Plant has surely wondered what mysteries lie within the strange building. Several faculty members within Ferris’ College of Arts and […]
Devastating testimonies
By: Harley Harrison | News Editor and Marley Tucker | Opinions Editor A massacre in Las Vegas left 59 dead and over 500 injured after a terrorist shot into a […]