“I really like this guy, but he has a girlfriend. We are totally perfect together. Our horoscopes match, we like all the same stuff, etc. I have a huge crush […]
Posts by Torch Staff
SATIRE: Horror-scopes
Aries: March 21-April 19 You might as well eat that extra slice of cake. You’re going to Hell for your unholy ways anyway. If you’re going down, you should go […]
SATIRE: #BringBrutusBack
Many Ferris students may have noticed a recent absence of the school’s mascot, Brutus. Instead of being stalked by Brutus, Bulldog fans have been followed around at sporting events by […]
SATIRE: Lol, oops
As we all know by the giant blank spot left on Ferris State’s southern landscape, the South Campus Apartments have been utterly demolished and their rubble removed. Apparently, these were […]
SATIRE: AH-CHOO!
Prior to Ferris’ 39-31 loss to Ashland on Homecoming, Head coach Tony Annese was spotted sneezing during the playing of the National Anthem. Social media platforms erupted soon after with […]
SATIRE: North campus living
Most students have seen the construction on Ferris’ north campus and have begun to wonder how exactly the project will affect the campus as a whole. The structure will be […]
SATIRE: Chalk outline
The words “vote for Homecoming Royalty” have never looked more deadly, according to one scientist’s study. Ecologist Vladimir Mustafar of the Environmental Science and Studies Association found a link between […]
Takeaways from the first presidential debate
It was estimated that more than 100 million people would tune in to watch Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump square off in a 90-minute slugfest on the debate stage. Clinton and […]
SATIRE: Presidential debate drinking game
The first presidential debate between Republican nominee Donald Trump and Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton is scheduled to air at 9 p.m. tonight, and it’s estimated that more than 100 million […]