“How can I drag myself out of bed in the mornings so I can make it to all of my 8 a.m.s?” – Sleepy Sam First of all why did […]
Tire Fire
SATIRE: Horror-Scopes
Aries: March 21-April 19 This month is a good money month for you. Go to a casino and put ALL your money on black. Taurus: April 20-May 20 Two words: […]
SATIRE: Tire Fire Poll Results
The 1% – Vacationed all around the world! The Bahamas, Europe, Pandora 99% – Worked my life away as a slave to capitalism 69% – Was reminded why I don’t live with my […]
SATIRE: Brutus’ Bulletin
“If someone offers you drugs of any kind, it is rude to decline. Accept the drugs with a ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Drugs are expensive.”
College debunked
College is an experimental time, filled with new friendships, experiences and mistakes. A lot of mistakes. Here are some common occurrences freshmen encounter. Squad Goals EXPECTATION: “I’m so excited to […]
SATIRE: Think thin
Students breathed a sigh of relief as exams concluded Friday, May 4, only to be met with an even more stressful time—swimsuit season. From speedos to bikinis, many on campus […]
SATIRE: Ask Woodbridge
Submit questions to fs*********@***il.com for a chance to see Woodbridge N. Ferris give you personalized advice “What advice do you have for incoming freshmen?” – Freshman Fred Take 18 credit […]
SATIRE: Eisler says
“We’re switching our drink provider to Pepsi because they’re garbage just like all of you.”
Ferris scrambles to save its a$$
To combat big budget cuts—upwards of 10.5 percent—over the next four years, the administration has gone to drastic, but creative, measures. One of the most significant changes will be that […]