Ferris’ athletic teams may see an influx of super athletes within the next two decades as a result of selective breeding. Have you ever wondered why Ferris athletes oftentimes seem […]
Tire Fire
SATIRE: Shooters’ facelift
Ferris night life saw a facelift over the last several weeks as Star Shooters on South Michigan Avenue invested thousands of dollars to renovate the bar, dance floor and sign […]
SATIRE: Valentines Day shorts
Single sophomore eats three heart-shaped pizzas from Jet’s Lonely Ferris nursing junior Chamille Cartison capitalized on Jet’s popular heart-shaped pizza deal centered around the holiday by eating three of the […]
SATIRE: What do your dreams mean?
Falling off of a Cliff – Your grades are falling. Your self-esteem is falling. This is why you DREAM of falling. The only way to stop the downward cycle is […]
SATIRE: Back to the past
A Ferris physics senior student and retired physics professor were arrested near the North Quad by campus police on charges of reckless driving and possessing nuclear material. When Ferris and […]
SATIRE: Horror-scopes
Aries: March 21-April 19 The next time you decide to sing in your shower, your roommates will decide to cut out your larynx while you sleep. Taurus: April 20-May 20 […]
SATURE: Ask Woodbridge
“Dear Woodbridge, I’ve been dating this guy for a few months and things are going pretty well. He’s sweet, he’s a good listener and he is always there when I […]
SATIRE: Is MySpace still cool?
You graduate high school, attend four years of college, earn a degree, get a job. In that order. Right? That’s not the case for Ferris sixth-year business management senior Ronny […]
SATIRE: Lovin’ the new hall
Elevator shafts aren’t the only things being erected at the North Hall construction site. At 1:30 a.m. Monday, Jan. 23, a pair of naked Ferris students were chased out of […]
Eisler says…
“Never let anyone tell you your degree is worthless. I majored in playing the clarinet for God’s sake.”