Grind on me May 4, 12:59 a.m., a male student was witnessed grinding on a girl. They were the only two on the dance floor. All Shooters’ patrons […]
Tire Fire
SATIRE: Horror-Scopes
Aries: March 21- April 19. Get out now, while you still can Taurus: April 20-May 20 You will change your major six times until you settle on one that you […]
Rising from the ashes
Big Rapids residents are cautiously making their annual trip back to the surface after spending the past nine months underground to avoid dealing with college students. While the extensive underground […]
In memoriam
Harley – El Editor del News 1996 – 2018 In the most tragic, horrifying and pleasingly ironic event of the year, Harley, 21, died in a motorcycle accident 11:11 p.m., […]
SATIRE: Off the Record
Shot to the heart April 18, 12:59 p.m., three students went and ate at the Rock without telling their friend who had already asked when they were going to eat. […]
SATIRE: WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!
OK, pay attention because I don’t have much time and the feds are going to be triangulating on my position any moment now. You think Ferris State Institute burned down […]
SATIRE: Eisler says
“I can’t wait for all these damn students to get out of Big Rapids so I don’t have to wait in line at the Rock.”
SATIRE: Blazed and confused
Friday, April 20, marked a strange day for the Big Rapids community. The town was covered by what was originally assumed to be a thick fog that smelled vaguely of […]
SATIRE: From the bathroom stall
“A Very Honest Love Poem” The night we met, your eyes were shining You said “I’m so drunk that I find you attractive” while throwing up and whining Frankly, you aren’t even my […]