Two Ferris lovers are taking full advantage of the new sexual liberties college affords them on surfaces already stained by the same pursuits of countless other students. Incoming Ferris freshmen […]
Tire Fire
SATIRE: Journey to nowhere
Extensive searches across campus ensued after a freshman student went missing from his dorm after move-in day. Missing Ferris history freshman Derrick Overland went missing after his parents departed from […]
SATIRE: White supremacists protest total solar eclipse
Tiki torches burned with the hatred of more than a hundred white supremacist protestors who voiced their displeasure with the moon’s attempts at “blacking out the sun.” On Monday, Aug. […]
SATIRE: What the hell is this hole?
Seriously, what is that? We really want to know. Tire Fire reporters investigated the dimensions of the hole, took soil samples near the site and cross-referenced scientific findings regarding […]
SATIRE: Greek composite senselessly vandalized… on Instagram
The composite of one Ferris sorority was the target of an online assault Friday, April 28. The Greek organization wanted to, “try something a bit different this year,” according to […]
SATIRE: CLACS makes budget cuts
The Center for Leadership, Activities and Career Services (CLACS) has suffered a significant budget cut for the 2017-18 school year. Director of the CLACS office, Carmine Amarillo, has announced […]
SATIRE: Full freshman experience
The location of the soon-to-be-completed North Hall will bring Ferris State freshmen closer to campus dining, academic buildings and the end of their sobriety. North Quad is approximately 0.8 miles […]
SATIRE: “Little Einstein”
The Hollywood Walk of Fame. Academy Awards. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. There are few honors so great as recognition of a job well done from others. Ferris […]
SATIRE: To catch a pothead
Ferris’ Department of Public Safety was prepared this year as Mary Jane came knocking on their doorsteps in grand fashion. Officers were armed with stacks of ammo as they […]
SATIRE: Exposed female shoulders distracting male students in class
As the temperature rises, male attentiveness in class has plummeted as a result of exposed female shoulders and ankles. “There’s this girl named Stacy who sits in the front row of my physics class,” said […]